Tuesday, September 30, 2014

A Blog for Becky, a Charitable Endeavor

Many Moons ago (approximately two) I promised my sister that I would write a blog post of the 10 most prolific authors (at least on my bookshelves).

I shall list these in the order that I counted them.

  1. Jane Austen—I have 6 novels by Jane.  She taught me the distinct pleasure of mocking the ridiculous constraints in society with copious amounts of wit and sass.  I mean, who doesn't need to learn that lesson.
  2. L.M. Montgomery—Anne of Green Gables is a classic.  Reading those books made me realize that even the mundane in life can be extraordinary with the right people beside you.  I also thought she had quite a knack for putting a positive light on the otherwise mundane things in life.
  3. Janette Oak—author of the Love Comes Softly series.  The first book of this series is the one that actually kicked off reading as a hobby for me.  Up until that point, I was not a reader and had no interest in books.  Shout out to my 6th grade teacher who kept a bookshelf full of books for kids who finished tests early.  You, madam, provided the tools necessary to turn me into a book worm.
  4. C.S. Lewis—Chronicles of Narnia, need I say more?  I also have some of his other books on the Christian life, but this series captivated my mind as a child.  My aunt read them to us as children and I will always think of her when I read The Last Battle.
  5. Douglas AdamsThe Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy was the first Science Fiction book that I ever read.  Adam’s dry humor and quick wit were delightful.  As an added bonus, it gave me something to talk about with my brother and cousins.
  6. J.K. Rowling—The Harry Potter series is quite fascinating.  I did not read these until I was in my twenties, but I loved Rowling’s writing from the start. 
  7. Beth Moore—I have more books than I can read by Beth Moore.  She has great insight into the Christian walk and is such a cool lady….and Amazon was having a sale….
  8. Orson Scott Card—This is where my Science Fiction addiction gets real.  Between Ender’s Game and Pathfinder Orson Scott Card (no, you can’t separate his names) has kept me fascinated for days after finishing the books.  One of my best friends also reads Orson Scott Card’s works and we have discussed them at length numerous times.  He has a way of taking a common topic and making it extraordinary once again.
  9. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle—Sherlock Holmes is one of the greatest stories.  I have all of them.  I have been reading through them for a while, but they are always good.  No matter what mood I’m in, I will always want to read Sherlock Holmes.
  10. Charles Dickens—I love Dickens.  I love how he is super descriptive.  I hate how I will always be asleep after reading a chapter.  He is great for screen adaptations—Bleak House and Little Dorrit are phenomenal....and on Netflix (well Bleak House anyway).

Monday, August 4, 2014

In Paradise!

That’s right ladies and gents, we are embarking on an acid filled adventure with “the broken hearted” that are taking another stab at love….it’s going to be bloody. Literally.  That’s what the previews say.

To get us excited about the season, ABC plays the same clip we have seen for 4 weeks.  There will be joy, laughter, tears, regrets, more tears, and a possible arrest?? And let’s not forget, Marquel!!!!

Chris Harrison welcomes Crazy Clare onto the island.  She is ready to find love.  She is not going to let one bump in the road keep her from finding love.  She wants a man to step up and say “I want you!”

Marcus is the first guy to come to the island.  He was at least smart enough to wear flip flops.  Crazy Clare had to take off her wedges to get to the special beach house which appears to be open to the elements.  The guests are excited and so are the bugs that are going to get into EVERYTHING.

Sarah is the next girl to come to island.  Marquel, Danielle (from Sean’s season I guess?), and Graham join the others.  I am personally excited to see this.  Michelle Money is also supposed to be on this and to watch stuff go down between these two should be good.  Lacy (from Juan Pablo’s season) comes.  The guys think she is gorgeous.  BENtley is BAAaaaccckkk.  He walks onto the beach just as Crazy Clare says “I hope there are no douchey guys here.  I can’t stand douchey guys.” Well done ABC.  The original crazy train, Michelle, is back.  Robert is also here.  Dylan is here.  Marquel runs to meet him and they chest bump on the beach. They are precious.  Elise is wearing the worst possible shoes for a beach…I’m pretty sure anyone’s grandmother could beat her in a foot race.  Seriously woman, you knew the title of the show right? There would be sand! And yet you wore those shoes…AshLee joins the group.  All of the girls are wearing stupid shoes. 

How the Show Works

Each week there will be Bachelor Style dates.  The date card will say who the bachelor(ette) is and they get to decide who to take on the date with them.  To stay on the island you have to be part of a couple.  There will be a rose ceremony each week.  This week there are 7 girls and 6 guys.  Therefore, all the guys are safe this week, but one girl will be going home.  Next week, the odds will be in the girls’ favor. Let the games begin! Hahaha as one of the girls here described it, basically we are watching the bachelor version of dodge ball.  Last one picked goes home….sad and alone…

The girls are feeling the pressure of being outnumbered.  Lacy comes in hot, taking Robert out to the ocean.  She basically makes him hold her up above the waves.  Later that evening, Marcus is moping out in the water.  Lacy goes out there to “get to know him better.”  Sarah is chaffing under the pressure.  She cannot stand watching Lacy through herself at multiple guys.  Everyone the beach was trying to figure out who Lacy likes better. 

Haahaha Crazy Clare and Marcus were talking when Dylan and (Elise? Danielle? A blond one?) Go frolicking in the ocean.  Marcus and Clare were basically making comments like regular viewers across America.  Once Dylan and Elise(?) start kissing Crazy Clare started commenting about how adorable they are.  Marcus comments that they are probably witnessing their first kiss.  It’s like they are the representation of all of us….

AshLee is complimenting Graham.  She is sure that they are meant to be.  I’m fairly certain that he has no idea the amount of insanity that just latched itself onto him…he should run, but he just doesn’t know it…where is Michelle Money??  I just want her to come in this episode!

Crazy Train sees the date card and summons the troops.   Sarah is still freaking out about the odds against her.  Crazy Clare is stoked to get the first date card.  Crazy Clare picks Graham.  The other guys are surprised but excited for him.  AshLee is instantly devastated.  She is whispering to herself.  She is sooo mad at Graham.  She is saying that “He couldn’t be loyal for 24 hours.”  Danielle says that AshLee looks crazy.  Danielle says that she is not going to keep going after Graham because she doesn’t want to get murdered in her sleep.  Hahaha ABC is making it look like Crazy Clare is talking to a raccoon when she is totally talking to a producer. 

Oh My Gosh! Crazy Clare is going to tell Graham that she thinks its best that she takes someone else on the date since AshLee is going bonkers.  Danielle says that she feels like she is in a soap opera because of all the drama.  Crazy Clare takes Robert with her.  Apparently they already knew each other, but she hasn’t thought about him in a romantic sense before.  But she thinks that they have chemistry….

Lacy is focusing on Marcus while Robert is gone.  BUT, Sarah got a date card and she asks Marcus.  Lacy is not doing well.  Also, in a slightly unrelated note, Lacy looks like a Pink Lady from Grease in her talking heads right now.  Which brings us to another question: why does she look so good in her talking heads but like a hot mess when she is with everyone else?  Her hair…what is her hair? When Robert and Clare get back, lacy talks to Robert because she is having a really rough night. 

Someone is coming!!!! Please be Michelle Money! Please be Michelle Money!  YEEEESSS IT IS!!!!!! And Graham looks pumped!!!!!  Game changer!  I’m going to be honest here, I had no good hopes for this show until I found out that Michelle Money was coming back. 

So Money walks in WITH A DATE CARD.  She grabs Graham to talk to him. Needless to say AshLee looks horrified.  The next morning AshLee goes to apologize to Graham because if he doesn’t give her a rose no one will.  And Money hasn’t picked her man yet for her date card.  AshLee is a crazed girl flailing as she is going down.  Money picks Marquel for her date.  She looks pumped as he accepts and they go to get ready.  While I could see how Money and Marquel could be adorable, I doubt that things are completely over between Money and Graham.  WHAT IF HE GIVES HER THE ROSE INSTEAD OF ASHLEE!?!?!? AshLee’s head would explode! I now want this almost as much as I wanted Money to show up tonight….

Lacy gets the next date card and she has a tough decision to make.  She is attracted to Robert and Marcus… she’s “80-40” ….no, honey, you “dumby-dumby” your percentages are supposed to add up to 100%.... not 120%  Marcus and Dylan are talking about how Lacy is putting “all of her eggs in Robert’s basket”…that’s not awkward wording at all….

Also, what is Lacy’s hair? Did she forget that her rollers were in?  And Dylan is giving horrible advice.  Don’t listen to Dylan.   

Here is why I love Michelle Money: she is super good at reading people and she can work a crowd.  Somehow she also is very maternal while still being in on just the right amount of drama.  Girl has skills.  She also gives THE BEST talking heads.  I would probably watch any incarnation of this show if she was on it.
SIDENOTE: Why is EVERYONE (except my girl Money) failing at English?!?
Marquel somehow pulls off the craziest outfits.  He is adorable no matter what he wears.  I’m fairly certain that he is the only person on the planet could pull off his style…which is appropriate cause there is no one like that boy. 

Rose Ceremony Time!

Marquel is first …but Crazy Train wants to say something and interrupts Marquel….And she is saying that she wants to go home?!?!  Therefore, only one girl is going home.

Back to Marquel—he picks my girl Money

Graham—AshLee (I feel like he just did this to avoid the wrath of the women) Sarah said he has to pick her or he’d “get his balls chopped off” But who would do this heinous act? Not AshLee if she went home! But alas, she stays.

Dylan—Elise (who is apparently already in love with Dylan?!?!) he should change his pick for next week…

Marcus—This gets interesting because he likes Lacy but told Sarah he would give her the rose if Lacy is safe.  The drama here is high people! Who will he choose!? Lacy…cause he is a game changer, that’s why! Robert will now have to pick someone else….probably Clare

Robert—Clare (as previously predicted, thank you very much)

BENtley—Sarah (and this is the first time I have ever liked this guy)

Danielle goes home…which is interesting because she had a lot of talking heads so I thought she might stay longer….no worries Money will keep us apprised of all the juicy details  

Basically, BENtley had no screen time.  I forgot he was on there until the whole will-Sarah-get-sent-home portion of the rose ceremony.  I wonder if he will be able to redeem himself on this show….picking Sarah was a good first move.  Dylan should probably run.  Elise seems uber desperate.  We have a love triangle between Robert, Marcus, and Lucy.  Graham, my boy, you are in trouble.  You need to find a way to drop AshLee.  Also, I’m fairly certain that Graham and Money have a pack to inform each other of what each gender group is thinking…should get interesting…

Next Week: why did Crazy Train really leave? Bird Beak Chris comes and someone jumps off of a balcony?!?

Bachelorette Finale and After the Final Rose

Who will Andi Choose?!?!?!  …Josh.  She is totally going to choose Josh.

Supposedly there is a dramatic ending that we won’t see coming… I bet Nick has a psychotic break!

Nick is the first one up to meet the parents.  Patti, Andi’s mom, thought that Nick was really reserved.  Andi wishes that he wouldn’t have been as nervous.  Nick gushes about Andi to her mom and she seems to like him at the end of it.  Andi gushes about Nick to her sister….and the sister looks a little skeptical, but she doesn’t make any comments.  Nick wins over the dad enough to say that if they pick each other than he is okay with them getting married. 

Josh meets the parents and they are a little worried that he is just Andi’s type.  Andi is trying to convince her sister that Josh isn’t like all the other guys she’s dated.  Josh is much more boisterous than Nick was.  Oh Josh has the sister in the bag!  Dad and Josh are dressed alike! Josh now has the task of convincing dad that he is sincere.  Dad seems like he likes Josh more than Nick because he is joking around with him.  Dad gave Josh his blessing in a similar fashion that he gave it to Nick.
Josh and Andi have their final date.  Those two have pet names for each other.  This makes me think that he is “the one.”  I use quotes because there is no way she has spent enough time with either of them to know…but she’s totes picking him.  Andi is looking for the last moments of reassurance before the end.  I think if he can do a good job at affirming their relationship, she will pick him.  He points out that every relationship is different—timelines cannot be compared.  AND HE USED FAMILY EXAMPLES.  Dang this boy is good.  Josh gives Andi her own baseball card with personalized stats.  This made Andi believe everything he has said all season.  This is by far my favorite gift that a contestant has ever given the bachelor or bachelorette.  This one might have been the brainchild of Josh himself.  Nick’s story book a couple weeks ago was totally not his idea.  There is a slight possibility that Josh came up with this…probably not, but it does fit him better than any other gifts that have been given throughout the seasons. 

In our house we are currently very confused about whatever it is that Chris Harrison is saying…we kind of tune him out when he is talking….something about someone trying to confront Andi?? The Chris Harrison interjections are boring.

Andi and Nick go “off roading” …but they are totally on a dirt road…. But in all reality that was probably a good idea because I would not trust Nick to know how to drive a Jeep through various terrains. 

SIDENOTE: my sister just gave me the bracelet that goes with Andi’s necklace. 

Basically Nick is asking Andi to tell him that he is her choice before the final decision.  He doesn’t want to propose if he is still wondering.  It is boring and painful to watch.  He is not just awkward…he’s a little creepy.  Okay his present is thoughtful.  He got sand from the beach that he told her he loved her on and put it in a bottle for her to wear as a necklace.  It matches her outfit…I wonder if her stylists told her to wear that….

So Josh just picked a ring and Andi showed up at Nick’s door.  Chris Harrison is now going to poll former Bachelor cast members to see if they think Nick is getting dumped or picked. Basically all of the former cast members are saying “I don’t know.”  Wow. So glad we are wasting 10 minutes on this.  She’s going to dump him.

Oh my goodness! Andi is literally using Nick’s own phrasing to break up with him.  She reminds him of when he felt like something wasn’t right in his last relationship and she says that she feels like something isn’t right with them.  Nick is not handling this well….he is questioning all of the moves she made.  He asks if it is more about them or about someone else.  Andi is mum on the subject.  Kudos to Nick for calling Andi on saying or doing things she shouldn’t have if she wasn’t going to pick him.  And here we are at the ugly side of the show.  “I just hope that you are a million percent sure and not scared.”  Wow Nick, way to plant the seed of doubt in her mind. 

You have to hand it to Josh-he is good with the soliloquy. Andi did a great job of making him sweat.  Oh BULL CRAP! YOU DID NOT LOVE HIM FROM THE MOMENT YOU LAID EYES ON HIM! NO! no.  You stereotyped him.  But whatever, I called it.  Oh gosh.  They are like puppies that can’t stay off each other.  WHY ARE WE STILL KEEPING THE MICS ON DURING KISSES?!?! I don’t want to hear that.

After the Final Rose

Also, I totally called that Nick would not be able to handle the rejection.  He is not doing well.  Nick is refusing to let sleeping dogs lie.  Chris Harrison agrees to go talk to Andi for Nick at the Men Tell All.  What I am learning from this is that Chris Harrison really likes blue shirts.  That is the only color in his dressing room.  Andi refuses to see Nick and Chris takes a letter to her instead.   

Nick and his brand new hairstyle come out to talk to Chris Harrison.  I wonder if they give the runners up stylists so that they look as great as possible.  Nick is trying to explain his emotions from that day…I wonder if they lock them in a room just looping the footage so that they will be as emotional as possible.  Nick is taking this day by day.  The hardest part for him is that he believed in their connection and to have it slip through your fingers.  Nick just wants closure.  He asks Andi if she read the letter.  She has.  He doesn’t really have anything else to say. 

Hahahaha Andi just said that there was nothing wrong with Nick, Josh was just better.  Harsh woman, harsh. She also said she was never in love with him, otherwise she would have said it…..are they allowed to say they are in love? Oh my gosh!  It feels like this has been an eternity—but it’s only been FOUR FREAKING MINUTES.  Hahaha Andi just told him that he was hitting below the belt and that he should keep those things private.  So I’m pretty sure that the producers think this time was a bust.  Nick didn’t really say anything.

Josh and Andi make their first public appearance….and they still look like hyper puppies.  They are gushing and I’m ignoring it…. Oh my goodness! They are doing an ode to Andi’s stupid pouty face.  They brought out Grumpy Cat?? Hahaha they have a pout off.  And It’s Over!

By far the best part of this show was watching Chris Harrison unabashedly mock Andi’s pouting face.  He looked like a kid at Christmas when he got her to say “Stawwwp” and then frown immediately afterwards. 

But in better news!  Bachelor in Paradise starts tonight!  It’s basically going to be The Bachelor but on acid.  Should be insanely ridiculous which means I will definitely be tuning in.  

The Week Where Chris will be Sent Home so He Can be the next Bachelor

*My apologies for the delay on this post.  It has no editing because I was tired and forgot to post it...until now.  On a side note, whenever I see "Dominican Republic" I always think of this girl that was in my college literature class who always pronounced it "Dominican Republican."

The gang is in sunny Dominican Republic.  Andi says that this is a beautiful place to be in love with one person at the end of this journey.  She has three different paths in front of her right now.  Andi’s recaps of the guys makes me want to punch a wall.  By her own description Josh is perfect for her.  He is her type, he makes her laugh, they always have fun, he sees her for who she is, and the list goes on.  However, she came on this show to try something different… why is that your negative? That should not be a negative! He’s better than your exes! Why are you projecting onto him!?!  She says many wonderful things about Chris, but let’s be real, boy is going home.  She talks about Nick and they show a montage.  I am being struck by the idea that if Andi were to choose Josh, Nick would crack.  I’m convinced he would go full blown psychopath and burn down a building. 
Andi and Nick have a private island all to themselves for their date.  This date is turning into a watery make out fest.  I don’t want to watch this.  Also, we are wondering how romantic it can get with producers watching you like hawks.  Like “Here’s a private island for you, your love interest, and 3 camera men, 2 producers, and a mic guy!”
Andi and Nick are talking and she might actually be listening because she is too busy stuffing her face with chips to comment. 
Nick just told Andi that he did what any “33 year old man from the Midwest would do” and he wrote a story.  I’m from the Midwest….no 33 year old man would write a story unless it was a request from their child or they were actually getting paid.  Most of them have jobs dude.  They have better things to do than fulfill whatever the ABC producers request.  Nick tells Andi he loves her but it takes a couple of tries.  His first attempt was “I love what I know about you” which is vastly different from “I love you.” The latter is an unconditional statement.  The first is dependent upon what you know and gives him an out if he finds out something that he does not like.  No worries guys, he finally gets it out with the proper wording.
Josh and Andi are exploring the capital.  She surprises him with taking him to a local baseball diamond.  They start playing some baseball with some local kids.  Josh also tells Andi that he loves her.  And he was graceful…unlike Nick.  Andi is nervous because there is a fantasy card on the table tonight.  She needs to know that he can be serious because he is always so happy….so basically she wants to know if Josh can have Nick’s personality before she goes any farther… and the rest of the date is spent with them making out…in a pool.
Andi and Chris go horseback.  They ride past some Dominican farms and Andi asks Chris if this is cool for him.  “It’s interesting…”  hahaha.  That means no.  She also said that it looked like Iowa.  No.  No it didn’t.  I am getting the impression that neither of these two are in this.  Chris just said that he loves her and she just gave him an “aw crap” face.  Andi is now crying and is going to send him home.  She bawls out some sort of apology.  Chris was a total gentleman and even offers Andi his arm when she stands up.  WHAT KIND OF TWISTED BREAKUP IS THIS?!?!? Andi is bawling and Chris is consoling her when she did the dumping! What the heck?!?
Chris Harrison comes to Andi the next morning for her usual counseling session. 

Guess what.  Two guys, two roses.  Andi is ecstatic. 

Monday, June 30, 2014

Andi Week Is-It-Over-Yet?

According to the previews there will be lots of making out in different lighting.
Andi is spouting some drivel about taking this week seriously because this is the last week before hometowns.
Chris Harrison is trying to have a heart to heart with the guys.  Nick opens his mouth and ticks off the other guys in 2 seconds flat.  It’s actually impressive that he hasn't been slugged yet. There will be no roses on the dates except for the group date.

Marcus is going to have the first one-on-one.  This elicited a swear from Josh.  Nick is getting a little too free in his talking heads-ABC is going to have an easy time of editing him into the villain. 
Marcus and Andi wander Brussels and eat muscles.  Marcus says that he loves her and I am afraid that she is going to stamp on his heart with her little stiletto heels.  At supper she asks him about his family AND ACTUALLY LISTENS.  Guys, this is a one-time event! Take note! Yet, she is doing her stupid duck-face-pout-whilst-"listening" face.  I hate it.  It looks stupid. 
They are walking back and keep stopping to make out.  Can they make it more than two feet without sucking face?  Andi is saying he is a man. I’m pretty sure in Andi’s head manliness=making out.
When Marcus gets back from the date Nick decides to go track down Andi.  He goes to the front desk and lies about losing his room key, forgetting the room number, and being married to Andi all to find her room.  They sneak out and make out in the streets.  Nick seems to be the only guy that fully understands Andi's inability to comprehend words.  She needs make out time to know that the guy is into her.  Nick gets this and beyond that understands her desire for spontaneity.  

Josh is secretly up against the declarations of love from the two guys the night before.  Andi is super worried that he is not at the same place as her because he has 1) not said that he loves her 2) hasn't made out with her enough.  After Andi fishes, for what feels like an eternity, Josh finally says that he is falling for her.  Andi makes and maintains the goofiest face after that.  Then they make out in at least two different settings and lighting styles. 


The only reason I am still watching is because the preview showed Nick crying.  He’s being a jerk around the guys.  PS, Dylan, if you can put your hair in a ponytail it is time to cut your hair.  They are looking at the countryside by pedaling on a rail bike.  Andi rode in the cart as the guys pedaled the entire way there.  They stopped at a monastery.  In this monastery there is no kissing within the grounds.  Andi takes Chris away to a pottery barn (outside the walls) where they can have some alone time.  They have their Ghost moment and make out a little bit.  When they get back, Andi announces that whoever gets the rose will continue on the date and the other guys will go back to the hotel.  That, ladies and gentlemen, is the perfect recipe for drama.  Unfortunately, it has turned into mainly idiotic outbursts by Nick and pensive looks by the others.  Our recipe for drama fell flat.  Nick gets the rose.  He feels like Andi just told him that she loves him.  The guys looked pissed.  Best part of Nick getting the rose is watching those guys get smashed into the back seat so that the camera crew can film them on the way back to the hotel...and take turns cussing.  SO great.  They are too broad in the shoulders to all fit in the same seat.  They look like sardines! Josh and Marcus had priceless reactions when the guys walked in the door.  Andi officially made every guy swear from this choice.  At the hotel the guys attack Nick with their rhetoric.
The guys are scrambling to persuade Andi to pick them for hometowns.  Nick just stole Andi from Brian when he already has a rose.  Chris then stole Andi for one last kiss.  But somehow, boy does it in a classy fashion.  Chris = class

Rose Ceremony

Josh, Marcus, and Chris get roses.  Brian and Dylan are going home. 

Next week should be more entertaining…hometowns always are.

The blooper was Dylan chasing Brian around with a pickle because Brian is actually terrified of pickles....no more good bloopers from here on out without those two around 

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Andi Week Five/Six

We are predicting that Cody, Dylan, and Chris will go home based on previous screen time and different roid rage instances.

This week the children are in Venice. 

Andi surprises the guys when she meets them and tells them that they will have a one-on-one right now.  Cody is the only guy that hasn’t gotten a one-on-one and I think if he doesn’t get it he will go all Hulk Smash.  Hahaha Andi gave it to Nick.  Of course she did because showing favoritism right now is totally should happen after last week.  Nick didn’t even look excited.  Cody just put his hood up (the true gauge for how men feel- hood up=bad).  I really wish he would rip his shirt.  Cody says in a talking head that he is like the puppy of the group….well…kinda. 

On the date Andi and Nick are strolling through the streets of Venice.  To be fair, we can’t really blame her for not wanting Cody there…he would be like a bull in a china shop and just start breaking stuff.  His muscles would have nothing else to do.  Andi says that she needed this date to figure things out after last week.  She is glad that he is bringing up last week right away.
Cody’s name is not on the group date card which means that he is the other one-on-one.  The guys actually looked super excited for him and started patting him on the back…he really is their puppy!

Nick and Andi get really dressed up and they have dinner.  I want it to be in an opera house since Andi has a black mask...and it just might be one.  Andi gives Nick the rose and a really flamboyant mask for their “mascaraed ball”…which was a private concert.

Group Date aka "Who is Lying to Me?"

So Andi takes the lie detector test first.  We think she is doing this just to find out who her secret admirer is.  Becky thinks it is Chris.  Josh is particularly upset about the lie detector test because in his book, relationships are built on trust (he’s not wrong…) Chris isn't excited about it because he is the secret admirer (just like Becky guessed).  The guys handle it relatively well otherwise.  Dylan went back to the hotel after his test because he was sick.  When the Italian Mafia brought the results out, 3 guys told the truth, 2 guys told 2 lies, and 3 guys told 3 lies.  Andi’s face was not good.  BUT ANDI TOLD 2 LIES.  Josh said he didn't want to see but Brian ripped the results open.  However, Andi, FOR ONCE, did the right thing and ripped up the guys’ results which put all of them at ease.  Yet, when Josh got around to talking to Andi about how he felt about the lie detector, Andi was back in ridiculous mode and was not listening to a word he was saying.  He asked why she didn't trust him because a lie detector screams no trust (YES) she took those words to mean he didn't trust her….which is not what he said at all…but that’s Andi.  Silly Josh, you should have learned from Angel Eric that if you are actually open and honest Andi bites your head off.  They didn't kiss during this talk which means she will still be confused because the only way that she knows things are going well is if the guys make out with her.  Chris was the next guy to have her attention after Josh and he revealed that he was the secret admirer which turned her stupid duck face-y frown upside down! (roll your eyes people cause Andi cray-cray) This announcement won him a rose.  Surprise Surprise! JJ is going to just be outright confrontational instead of finding someone else to do his dirty work… I think he is sensing the end coming…

Cody has a date….but he’s probably going home. 

 Andi says that she wants to find out if there is a possibility of romance.  She thinks it might take Venice to find it.  Honey, if you need Venice to fin romance, you ain’t gonna find it.  What would happen when you get back to the US? Would the magic be gone? They go to the official office that answers the letters that people write to Juliet.  They get to answer some, although I seriously doubt that Andi wrote anything that was actually helpful.  Cody read his letter out loud and it was actually decent.  He is trying so hard on this date and Andi looks like she’s hanging out with her puppy.  At the end of the night he starts going off about how he wants to introduce her to his family and how he has felt this great connection with her and he wants to get to know her more…and Andi looks like death warmed over.  She starts crying and he starts talking faster.  Son, this ship is going DOWN.  Andi says she respects him too much to keep him around more.  She doesn't want to hurt him.  WHY DID YOU TAKE HIM ON THIS ONE-ON-ONE?!? What happened to the good old days when people like Emily would just cut people loose as soon as they knew they would not marry that person? Cody should have been gone weeks ago, and Andi knows that.  However, Cody did handle the exit the best of any one to date…except maybe Angel Eric.  I’m gonna give them a tie on this one.

Rose Ceremony

Right off the bat Nick ticks everyone off.  Even though boy has a rose from his one-on-one, he stole Andi before she could even finish her hello to the group.  Chris in particular is verbal about this.  He is a gentleman though and would wait his turn since he had a rose.  I do like him.  This farmer should just be the next bachelor.  He doesn't deserve this Andi crap fest.  Just from the clips of the different guys talking to Andi, we think JJ will actually go home.  We never saw Andi talking to him and he still seems vaguely angry and ruffled…like he senses his impending doom.  Josh talks to Andi again to make sure that she understood him last time (shocker-she didn't) We suspect that his lack of making out with her (Andi’s ever coveted non-verbal communication) has dropped him from his lead spot.  He’s talking too much.  Andi is ironically confused by words and honesty-probably because she doesn't like to listen to the end of sentences.

For the first time in forever (you all have that Frozen song in your head now, don’t you) Chris Harrison talks with Andi for a significant amount of time before she hands out roses. 

Dylan, Brian, Marcus, and Josh get roses.  That means JJ is going home.  As one of the girls says, he is the definition of haggard. Andi is just talking and talking instead of letting JJ leave.  This is the last we will see of the fanciful pants and the man who I imagine makes them by hand…or with magical Disney mice…
Oh good, we are to the point of the drawn-out-video-in-the-car-as-they-leave part of the show.  Awww, even his bow tie is droopy. 

Next week the guys will be in Brussels. 

The blooper this week was by far the best part of the show.  During the lie detector test one of the questions was “have you ever fought in public?”  However, the reader’s accent made it sound like “have you ever fart in public?” The guys’ reactions were spectacular! A couple of them started laughing, Chris was sooo serious, and Brian was still talking about it afterwards.  It was hilarious.  

Monday, June 16, 2014

Andi week 4...but technically week 5

Andi Week Too Many To Count

ABC is promising me boat loads of drama…but so far they haven’t delivered.  It better all come up tonight ABC, cause I’m getting bored.  Angel Eric is gone and Marquel doesn't get enough screen time.   My interest is waning while my annoyance with Andi is waxing.  That’s right I’m going lunar calendar on this.

Josh is super excited for his date card even though he can’t read a word beyond their respective names. Ironically Andi doesn't even speak French so we know Andi copied that card verbatim from some ABC lackey.  

Chris Harrison is coming to talk to Andi in all his turtleneck glory.  It would look so much better without the jacket.  The patterns do not match.  Chris calls Andi out on falling for more than one guy….perchance all the ones she has made out with??

Andi is SOO EXCITED to go on a date with Josh.  She has something so exciting planned for him today! My guess is a make out session…and it is!  Andi wants to dig deeper.  Josh better watch what he says…we all know what happens if you are too honest with her…you get sent home in a flurry of crazy childlike tantrums.  EW! FREAKING SHUT OFF THE MICS WHEN THEY ARE MAKING OUT!  Josh and Andi went on a boat ride and are now sitting on some “great rocks that overlook the Mediterranean Sea.  It’s a great place to get to know each other better.”  ….you are literally sitting on a bench.  How is this so much better than anywhere else?  Andi has got a mouth on her…ABC has already bleeped her multiple times.  I love that Andi’s irrational reaction to fear is to shut the guys out and not explain anything.  Then it is super easy to send them home and say that you have no connection.  Honey if you shut the valve off on the flow of communication of course it won’t work.  You are starving the relationship before it can even start. 
Wow.  I did not call JJ being such an instigator.  Did Andrew like insult JJ’s bow tie the first night?  Why is he out to start fights through other people?  Poor Marquel.  He deserves better than this.

Josh and Andi are talking about the way that they were both cheated on and he gets a rose.  She likes that Josh got her to put her guard down.  She prejudged him and she was wrong.  Too bad she couldn't see that with Angel Eric….
AND the private concerts are back.  Apparently helicopters will not be making a comeback this year.  Private concerts for the win. Seriously I don’t need sound effects for their make out sessions.   

Hahaha Andi sent a blank card to the guys for the group date.  Their perplexed faces were totally worth it.  Andi is taking the guys miming.  She says that it will help them with relationships.  How??? Haha one of the girls says it’s because she doesn't know how to communicate.  YES! Andi says that there is no better way to communicate than nonverbal….well that would be accurate to her life…

I bet Marquel is going to be great at this.  The guys practice for a while and are somehow shocked that they will have to perform “in front of all of France!” Andi, honey, you know they won’t be in front of the entire country of France.  Your hyperbole is not amusing.  All the guys give it a go, except for Nick, and Marquel is adorable and definitely the best (called it).

Oh Good! This is where all the fighting should happen—the lighting looks just right for drama. 
JJ takes Andi to a Ferris wheel because what better way to get to know each other? But back at the cocktail party there is drama afoot.  Cody basically calls Nick out as portraying himself as arrogant and above everyone else.  I am surprised at how many guys jumped onto that bandwagon.  Cody, with a plunging v, is jumping down Nick’s throat…almost as deep as his v…  Cody is such a Vienna. 

After forcing Chris to talk about the drama she felt in the room and talking to Cody, Andi confronts Nick.  He doesn't want to talk about it really but she says, “If I was your wife would you tell me?” FREAKING WHAT?!?! Talk about manipulative!! She tells Nick that she can feel when drama happens, she’s not stupid…..eeeehhhhhh.  She is questioning everything! What if she doesn't really know the real Nick?!?! Oh well, she’ll just kiss him. 

Meanwhile Marquel confronts Andrew in the best fashion I have ever seen.  He did it in front of the guys because he wanted his stance on race to be known.  He told the others not to join in.  He said his peace, listened to Andrew, said he why he did it in front of everyone and walked away.  Even Andrew’s bromance buddy Patrick said that Marquel handled it the best.
Andrew just freaking tried to throw Marquel under the bus.  You leave him alone!

JJ gets the rose…wow that little instigator has definitely flown under the radar as a source of trouble.  I don’t’ think the guys even know that he is behind most of the drama.

Andi is excited to go on a date with Brian after the drama of the night before.  Everything is going great until Andi’s ridiculous expectations aren't met and she reads into everything in the worst possible way.  Brian cannot cook and he told her this.  One would think that a guy might be less affectionate when he feels really out of his element and insecure because a rose is on the line.  However, Andi is wondering if this means the end of them.  Brian knows that the pressure is on.  He understands that he needs to be really forward. Brian steps up just starts kissing Andi and gets a rose for his efforts.

Basically what we are gleaning from this is that if the guys are not actively trying to make out with Andi all the time that means that they don’t want her….well, she is all about nonverbal communication….

Andi decides to cancel the cocktail party and just have a rose ceremony and she is planning on sending 3 guys home.  Patrick is giving these sage words about how you need to value every minute they have with her---you haven’t had any...why are you giving sage words?

Andi looks like she is channeling Elsa and those relationships that aren't working she is just going to “let it go.”

Marcus gets a rose.  Nick gets a rose.  Chris gets a rose.  Dylan gets a rose.  Cody got the final rose! What? Marquel totally deserved that one.  Well…at least both parts of the bromance will get to leave at the same time.  It will be interesting to see how this all plays out at the men tell all when Andrew will see that JJ was behind it all. 
Marquel! You are precious!


ANDI IS FREAKING MAKING THEM TAKE LIE DETECTOR TESTS! She is going to give me an aneurysm.  My brain is going to pop.  Watching this show is turning into a cross between What Not To Wear and the Bachelor.  Seriously, anything that Andi does should not be repeated. Ever.  She is the ice queen and the master of manipulation.  She does not listen to the guys and doesn't trust a word they say.  Awesome.  This is going to be great for ratings because her crazy pants antics will lead to a full blown meltdown.  Marquel, be glad you got out when you could.  

Monday, June 2, 2014

Hurricane Andi

Week 3 Part 2

Chris Harrison tells us that this is part two of our exciting two night show…I think Chris needs to look up the definition of “exciting” because last night was decidedly not. However, I have high hopes for high drama with the basketball clips.

Andi is saying the classic “what? I like more than one guy right now?? *twirls hair around fingers* "How can this be?” *chomps gum* and “I need to get to know more of them!” *hair flip over shoulder*  It’s drivel really.  I wonder if they make them say these things. Like, those who do not speak, to not eat. 

The guys are definitely more excited about being in Connecticut than they were for being in Santa B.  Six of the guys try to see if they will fit in the massive Jacuzzi. 

Dylan gets the first one-on-one.  This is good for him because he was so disappointed to not get some time with her last night.  They are going on an old steam train.  Andi says something insipid about how maybe their relationship will “pick up some steam.” Do they have writers for that crap? Literally every single one of the bachelors and bachelorettes have said stupid crap like that.  Maybe, “thou must pun” is one of the bachelor/ette Ten Commandments. 
Wow.  Dylan found in a way to work in a bit of his story by just dropping the bomb of his brother’s funeral on Andi…and then swiftly switching back to talking about the scenery.  At the dinner, Andi says that she wants to get to know him and that he has been really nervous.  She wanted to give him one on one time to try and get past the nerves and get to know him....so basically open up or you don't get a rose...He starts to tell her a bit about himself but he is just rattling stuff off because she is forcing him to tell her things.  Andi looks like she is in lawyer mode.  As tears start rolling down his cheeks, Andi finally snaps out of the lawyer mode.  But she didn’t reach out to him.  For Pete’s sake woman! Hug him! Or at least grab his hand.  But she stayed stationary and just had tears in her eyes.  In her talking head she feels bad about dragging this out of him, but that’s all she talks about.  Reassure him and focus on him.  Having a pity party in your head is not helping the situation.  So after he is done talking (which Dylan has a quick rebound time after tears, btw) Andi gives Dylan the rose.  But she wants to make sure that he knows this is not a pity rose.  Andi has a surprise for the end of the date.  They ended the date by blowing the train whistle….that’s not a good surprise…

Group Date: JJ, Chris, Andrew, Angel Eric, Nick, Marquel, Male Vienna, Tasos, Brian, Patrick, Josh. Andi comes out with some WMBA players and they are smoking the guys.  One of the girls said it was like more of a warm up than a game.  Josh was the only guy that recognized the girls by name and knew about their track records.  Andi decided to have the guys play each other.  Whichever team wins will get to go on.  Losers go home.  They are split into the Rosebuds and the Five Hearts.  Andi could not believe how competitive they were off the bat.  It’s half time and the teams are tied.  Marquel has the most hilarious talking heads.  “We are champions.  We wake up and breathe excellence.”  “Losers will go back to the hotel and eat cereal…or whatever losers eat.”  Wow.  Great editing ABC.  Painting the 5 Hearts as super sad and pathetic and juxtaposing that against the cheering Rosebuds.  I don’t feel sorry for them.  Josh is pouting like a child.  I will not pity that. 

OH MY GOSH I AM SO TIRED OF ANDI NOT LISTENING TO WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING!! She basically just browbeat Angel Eric into telling her about his family.  He was saying that he felt like she was super formal with him and he didn’t like it.  She accused him of holding back.  He is being honest with her and she is not listening to a word he is saying until he tells her about his family, but even then she's not really listening.  JUST LISTEN FOR ONCE!
Brian is showing Andi how to do different things on the court.  Andi is super attracted to Brian while he is talking about basketball stuff…her talking heads are slightly uncomfortable when she’s talking about how sexy he is.  Brian just made a half-court shot!!! Nope not slightly uncomfortable, full on uncomfortable.  She needs to stop. 

Andi and Nick sneak off to make out.  She feels like he sees her for who she is.  He says he found someone he could marry. 

Marquel got no screen time.  This displeases me.

Brian got the rose for being “the MVP on the court and the MVP off the court.” 

Marcus and the second One-On-One. Andi has a knack of saying ominous things.  “This is a huge day for Marcus…and a huge day for us.” Andi wants to face her fear of heights with Marucs.  Supposedly Andi requested this date.  Awesome.  She picked a guy who is also terrified of heights.  Andi is freaking out.  Marcus is doing a good job of trying things first and encouraging her.  My favorite guy from the show today is the guy running the ropes who is literally pushing Andi’s feet off the ledge.  Oh ABC, you guys are fantastic.  They are rappelling down the hotel that the guys are staying in! The ropes go by the guys’ window!! For the dinner portion of their night, my house missed most of the conversation because we were going off about how much Andi annoys us.  She has changed since coming into power.  And that led us to talk about other people who changed when they were the chosen one…like Ben and his nasty hair and nasty girl choices.  Andi is pulling a Jillian and equating being encouraging during a random activity with ropes as being good relationship material.  Oh look, a surprise concert.  But it’s not a private concert.  Does this count for the concert vs helicopter tally?  We technically stated it was private concerts vs helicopters...what's our consensus?   Also, new theory: they always make out when they dance because Andi can’t dance and that will keep them from noticing. 

Cocktail Party

Brian fixes his faux pas and kisses Andi.  Marquel is super cute and funny and wants to show her how to defend herself.  I love that Marquel got time.
Hallelujah! Angel Eric is calling Andi on her crap.  He says that he was thinking about their conversation and he says that he has been open with her (which he has)  He feels like she hasn't been real with him (which she hasn't).  HE JUST CALLED HER A TV ACTRESS! My house just erupted in applause for this man!!! Angel Eric says that she has a poker face.  He says that he just wanted to see her, the real her.  She completely loses it.  For that reaction, she knew it.  She goes off about how she is exhausted and she has worked her butt off. GAH! She’s not listening to a word he was saying.  He said he understood why she was doing that, but he wanted to get to know the real Andi.  She freaking sent him home!  Good.  Cause you did not deserve someone who was willing to work through things if you won’t even listen to them.  Andi goes back and chews out all of the guys. Idiot. What I have learned about Andi is that she will take one man's actions and apply them to all men...I wonder if that is why she is single...

Chris Harrison is now telling us about Angel Eric.  This was his last scene so they wanted to talk about him instead of showing who gets roses.  Okay, I’m calling crap on this whole thing.  Andi says that there just wasn't as much honesty in this relationship as there was in her other relationships.  BULL CRAP.  Do her ears even work?  Did she rewatch any of this?  She is having trouble with the fact that the last conversation they had was the one where she sent him home….but this would have been your last conversation anyway.  You can talk about how you could have smoothed things over after the final rose, but honey, he would have brought it up again.  You didn't listen, you weren't being real with him, and you clearly overreacted out of exhaustion.  So own that.  Apologize.  Standing your ground on your initial overreaction is not a good call.  It makes you look like a B.  My main issue here is that Andi’s mantra was honesty.  But the instant anyone was truly honest with her, she sent him packing. 

Also, Chris Harrison tells us that Tasos did not get a rose. 

I officially cannot stand Andi….these are going to be some rough weeks.  I hope my favorites escape Hurricane Andi in one piece.  

Sunday, June 1, 2014

There is a Storm Brewing

Week 3, Part 1

Chris Harrison surprises the guys and tells them that they get to join Andi in Santa Barbara.  Santa Barbara should probably sue ABC for damages because the lack of enthusiasm from the guys has definitely convinced me to never go there.  Andi picks Nick for the first one-on-one in Santa B.  He was shockingly realistic about this process which just strikes me as funny.  He says that she is a beautiful girl and he’ll see if it’s worth sticking around.  I applaud this man! No desperation and a clear head on his shoulders! Snatch that man up.  But of course, the guys think that he isn't being “real.” 
Personally, I find the cameras that are mounted on their bikes weird.  They are at unflattering angles.  Andi should have had a say in their placement-girls care about things like that...Nick is having a really good time on the date…but it makes me wonder what trouble is brewing in the house.  Wow.  He is even being honest about how he is slightly skeptical and how he struggles with being unsure of where he stands.  They have an adorable and open conversation.  I may not hate watching them…interesting.  Unfortunately, my sister just pointed out that Nick has a slight lisp.  AND IT CAN’T BE UNHEARD!
What is Nick’s jacket?!?! Are you a sleuth? Do you work for Scruff McGruff from Chicago Illinois 60652?

 But Andi’s earrings are quite cool.  Andi has handled all of the guys who have said they had previous engagements really well.  Seriously girl, kudos. Andi likes the way that Nick views things and she gives him the rose. Aaaannnnd they make out on top of a clock tower.  He is guy number 3 to get kisses.  But the first one to not start kissing after dancing…

Group date guys are Brian, Marquel, Male Vienna, Tasos, Brett, Ron, Sober Charlie Sheen, Josh, Angel Erick, Drew, Patrick, and Marcus. Andi takes the guys to a classical musical studio.  Once they get inside they see Boys II Men standing there.  The guys FREAK out-Marquel particularly.  He’s doing a bit of fangirling.  Sober Charlie Sheen needs to cut it out.  He is annoying.  But the Josh's impressions of his opera singing are hilarious.  Best part of this entire thing is how the members of Boys II Men make fun of how horrible everyone is at singing.  SOBER CHARLIE SHEEN NEEDS TO SHUT HIS FACE. Your incessant bragging makes me want to punch you and also applaud the guys for not smacking that smug look off your face.  Apparently Tasos is the only other one who can sing.  Marquel is bringing his swagger though.  The guys are so ‘shocked’ and ‘appalled’ that they are not only practicing with Boys II Men but that they are also singing in concert with them.  Paaahleeezee.  This happens every year.  Marquel is still freaking out which is adorable.  Male Vienna is also freaking out, but it is less adorable.  Best part of the concert is the little girl in the crowd who firmly planted her hands on her ears.  Boys II Men said that if this is any indication of who she should pick Andi should be alone.  Hahaha that’s wonderful. 
Andi pulls a strange prank on Male Vienna.  She pretends that the other guys have told her that he was a girlfriend.  He handled it well, but that’s all that they showed.  It was interesting.  AW Angel Eric was insecure.  Marcus is going for the first kiss and he gets it.  Do you know that you are number 4? Ohho ho, but Josh also gets to make out with Andi.  They actually seem more like a couple.  Josh got the rose.  Marcus looks crushed…and yet I wonder how Sober Charlie Sheen will take it… Marcus doesn't think their connection is as good as the one he has with Andi.  It's almost adorable how  naive he is...
 Stop ruining the Boys II Men song!
JJ has the next one-on-one.  Oh goodness gracious his pants.  I'm sure he made them.  They are going to be made over into old people.  When they see each other they just start laughing.  JJ goes off about how she looks way better when she’s old than he does.  Andi keeps saying that this is what it feels like to grow old with someone.  No! No its not! Having makeup done for a couple of hours does not equate to spending your life with someone! That’s just stupid.  But at least JJ isn't saying amazingly stupid things. He can say with confidence that he is falling for her regardless of her looks. He was also really precious when he said that if this is what she would look like in 50 years, sign him up!

Ron had to leave the show because of a death of a close friend. 

I always find it massively interesting how people don’t actually listen to what the other person is saying.  JJ is talking about how he is unique enough that he doesn't know if he can find a girl like her who will accept him as he is.  He didn't say anything about shying away from who he is or changing…just how he didn't know if a girl like her would want a guy like him.  Yet, that is how Andi took it--as him shying away from himself.  She said his uniqueness is what drew her to him…but let’s be real honey, you are not going to pick him.  Let him go before he gets super attached.  …does she listen at all? 

Cocktail Party

Andi is telling the guys that she feels for Ron and that she genuinely cares about each of them.  She said that she wanted to enjoy the time she had with everyone. Yet…somehow it seems like she wasn't saying anything.

Hahaha.  Angel Eric got totally blocked by Nick sending Andi flowers.  He had a thoughtful note that made Andi smile the entire time she read it.  It completely through off Angel Eric and won Nick some serious alone time. 

JJ decides to wear crazy pants and to talk to Josh about how Andrew got a girl’s number on the last group date.  I really hope they decide to bring this to Andi’s attention before the rose ceremony.  It would be so great to just blow the roof off this place with drama.  JJ’s pants are sooo distracting.  I don’t know whether to stare at the pants to listen to the drama.  What is that psychedelic pattern? Why on earth does it exist?  Triple J (JJ & Josh) confront Andrew.  He walks away and crazy pants JJ follows him and keeps talking.  SO naturally the cameras follow too. 

Marcus pulls Andi aside to remind her that he thinks about her even when she’s not around.  Oh no, he thinks that he is the only one with a connection with her…nope.  Son, you are not going to last long.  Excellent! Andrew is now ready for the warpath.  It became a simple shouting match that delivered- someone was called a “grown ass man!”

Rose Ceremony

Nick, JJ, and Josh have roses.  Marcus gets a rose.  Brian gets a rose-go basketball coach! Marquel gets a rose.  That man has a devilish grin.  Tasos gets a rose.  So far, I am in full support of her choices.  Man Vienna gets a rose.  Patrick gets a rose.  I literally know NOTHING about him.  Who are you? Chris gets a rose! Yay farmer! Angel Eric gets a rose—but let’s be real, she owned him after that flower stunt Nick pulled.  Dylan got a rose.  Andrew got the final rose, naturally.  Any drama automatically equals safety for at least one more week. 
Thank the Lord that Sober Charlie Sheen is leaving.  Brett the hairstylist is also going home. 
Best part of the night: the singing bloopers :)

Tomorrow night is going to be ridiculous.
Side Note
Nick has reminded me of some actor for a while and I finally figured out who! 
Peter MacNicol