Bachelor Ben: Episode Two

Ben is probably the cutest bachelor we’ve had in the last 5 seasons. He’s just adorable. Our house is pretty excited about him. Sooo hoping I don't dislike him at the end of this. I was really excited about the last Bachelor Ben....but he picked the crazy chick....

KEVIN HART IS ON THIS EPISODE!!!!!

my reaction to seeing Kevin Hart

Lace looks like she’s going to actually have a mental breakdown. I expect great things from her. And by great I mean totally insane. 

I’m so lucky they have names for the girls on the screen all the time. So many of them look alike. He definitely has a type. I know some of the girls that have had screen time, but the rest? It's like they just filmed a Liberal Arts college sorority. 

We are starting the evening with ubiquitous shots of Ben getting ready/ looking pensive. Cause apparently it’s IMPOSSIBLE for a bachelor/bachelorette to get ready without looking pensive. Because putting on my jeans routinely makes me ponder the difficulties of dating 20 people at once. 

Lace admits that she “got a little too drunk, a little too emotional”

riiiiggghhht

“Let’s learn how to Love” –Or more aptly titled “Getting Schooled”

Jackie, LB, Lauren H, Becca, Amber, Portland, JoJo, Jubilee, Jennifer, and Lace get the first date card.

Lace is excited to redeem herself. When you have to say “I am not a crazy girl” you are pretty much A CRAZY GIRL. 

Jubilee is adorable. I really hope that she breaks the barrier on the show and actually makes it really far. The end is usually way too white.

The girls are going to school... They will be split into teams and will have 4 “classes.” After each challenge one team is eliminated. The winner will be Ben’s homecoming queen. Unfortunately, Jubilee was partnered with Lace (who is the worst) and they were eliminated.

BECCA AND JOJO DIDN’T KNOW WHAT INDIANA LOOKS LIKE

Portland won the competition….because she’s got the legs of a stork. That’s so unfortunate. Amber is the one that carried them.

Oh good, Lace is pissed and is just going to be crazy. “My goal is just make sure that Ben doesn’t think I’m a crazy girl.” Oh honey, it’s too late for that.

Becca and Ben are chatting while shooting some hoops.

“My wife could be in this group. We’re getting to the point of real feelings developing.” WHAT?!?! What kind of feelings?? You’ve spent like 30 min with a girl. Feelings of disgust? Feelings of wanting to make out? It sure as heck isn’t feelings of love. You don’t know.

Jennifer and Ben kissed. With this knowledge, Lace’s crazy eyes popped.

Back at the House

Olivia is talking about getting a date card…and makes this horrifying face

Caila gets the one on one date card. I think Kevin Hart will be in her portion of the night!

Lace steals Ben to apologize for last night. She keeps cutting him off and telling him that she’s “not that person. I don’t want you to see that person.” The more she’s talking the more he looks slightly unnerved. She looks like a crazy stalker. Jubilee just SAVED him, walked in before Lace could maul his face. “I can’t believe that Jubilee of all people would do this to me.” Honey, I don't think you guys are close. This is not your bestie stealing your boy. this is a fellow contestant on a television show politely asking to talk to Ben. He is probably blessing her for walking in before Lace pounced.

So let's have a little background on my girl Jubilee. She was adopted from Haiti and is in the military. This girl is so amazing. There is a strength to her that most of the other girls don’t have. And she's gorgeous. She one of 3 girls that I'm pulling for at this point. I really, really hope she goes far.

Lace decides to complain about her lack of time and then interrupts one of the other girls to talk to him again.

I need to make score cards for

·         Lace saying she’s not crazy
·         Ben saying I appreciate that
·         Anyone saying I want to get to know you followed by kissing
·         Disbelief about intensity of feelings developing this quickly
·         Private concerts
·         Statements of being “here for ben” or for “the right reasons”

Ben gives the rose to JoJo.

Chris Harrison planned the One-on-One (like the Bachelor ever plans them)

Ice Cube and Kevin Hart walk through the door. I’m so excited for this. Kevin Hart is hilarious.

What’s the most romantic thing you’ve done for a woman?

                Ice Cube: I married one…that’s romantic right?

                Kevin Hart: I cooked fried chicken one time…in a crock pot.

Kevin Hart is trying to make the date as cheap as possible. He heckles a street vendor to give them half priced flowers. Ice Cube wants Ben to buy condoms and hard liquor. Kevin Hart is giving commentary and Ice Cube is trying really hard not to judge them…but he totally is. I hope they gave them a lot of money to be on this show.

Obviously, the ride along was not conducive for getting to know one another. Especially when Kevin Hart was naked in the hot tub...So the night portion of the date is that much more important. Ben asks Caila what she is looking for in a man…and she answers with the right relationship and then asks him why he thinks he’s unlovable. That’s not actually answering the question.

Gosh, I should have made a score card. Ladies and those Gentlemen forced to watch this, we have a private concert.

“Are We a Perfect Match”

Emily, Shushu, Sam, Olivia, Haley, and Amanda comprise group number 2.

Tweedledee and Tweedledum need to leave. They are obnoxious. 

The girls are at a “love lab.”

a what?

The lab did eye tests, smell test, and a thermal reaction test. It was very weird. Olivia was kinda being a butt about it. She was scoring well and knew it. Sam knew she wasn't scoring as high and Olivia just kept making snide remarks. Gah, her stupid smug face! She needs to stop making the open mouth face.

Ben is very classy on this date yet somehow he picks the meanest girl on the date. 

Maybe it's a Ben thing?

Amanda is super sweet and opened up about her family and he still gave the rose to Olivia who has been a jerk about getting the high score on the love test. Granted, he can’t see it, but darn it! Stop rewarding only the outgoing people! Amanda is Emily 2.0. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS PICK EMILY 2.0!

Cocktail Party

Ben is a lot more calm and he hopes to be talking to everyone tonight. He offered his jacket! He's so sweet sometimes.

Olivia doesn’t want to ‘rest her laurels on having a rose.’ She steals him and sets the house ablaze with gossip. “Now I’m done. Everyone else have at it. I hope everyone can respect that.”  What on earth?! Why would you say that? “Me getting the rose last night, was not my choice. Him pulling me aside, was not my choice.”

OH MY GOSH. LACE pulls Olivia aside to talk about how she’s behaving. Crazy B 1 talking to Crazy B 2.  What. Is. Happening.

Ben gave Lauren B a photo that he had the producers print off. “I don’t know how to make you feel special?” He’s adorable. Go for solid women like Lauren B and Jubilee please! He is giving a couple of the women little presents. HE WANTS TO MAKE THINGS FOR AMBER’S GIRLS. It’s precious! Totally planned by ABC, but great!

Rose Ceremony

EMILY 2.0! Jubilee! Lauren B! Leah, Becca, Rachel (who is that?), Lace (HE LOOKED DOWN! HE DIDN’T WANT TO KEEP HER!) LB –wants to talk to Ben. She's leaving?!?! Jennifer, Emily, Jamie, Lauren H, Shushu, Haley

Chris Harrison comes to remind us all how to count to 1

we should all be able to count to 1

Amber gets the final rose.

Up next: Ben makes out with people, everyone says he’s great, Ben makes out with more people, Olivia gets super possessive, Lace cries more than I think is possible, and eye rolls abound.

Bachelor Ben!

Dear Ben,

I hope I still like you at the end of this.

Love, Me

He hails from Warsaw Indiana…and my sister and Ben have a mutual friend. ALSO she told me when they were filming there.  Crazy, right?!

Ben is telling us about his hopes and dreams while wading in some tall weeds. I wonder if they made someone sit out there until they found some deer to film.

Ben’s greatest fear is to be un-loveable. I wonder at going on national television with that fear. It’s exponentially harder to be real with people when there are 20 other people watching, let alone millions watching on the screen. “I’m really nervous to date 25 people. BUT I’m looking for ways in life to make me a better man…” DATING 25 GIRLS AT ONCE WILL NOT MAKE YOU A BETTER MAN!

Apparently ABC has no shame. Bachelor Ben in a McDonald's commercial. No. Stop. Marketing teams needs to cut it out. That actually makes me want to go to McDonald's less. 

Chris, Sean, and Jason stop by for their contractually obligated advice giving session

“I wanna join the married bachelor club” sooo don’t listen to Chris…

“Good news, is that you’re the only guy. They won’t compare you to anyone.”

“They’ll be thinking about you all the time”

…you are also in the perfect breeding ground for numerous, terrifying stalkers…

I also love that Chris was silent for a good portion.  His advice “it’s hard…and these guys did a lot better job than I did.” You sir, have spoken truth. 

“I am excited about finding someone who is excited…to be alive….and in love” So an adrenaline junkie.

“Nothing was more heartbreaking than when Ben confessed to Kaitlin that he feels un-loveable. Just to show him how loveable he is, we made him the bachelor.” So to show him he’s loveable, you put him in an environment with a horrid success rate?!?!?

Caila BROKE UP WITH HER BOYFRIEND BECAUSE OF WATCHING THE BACHELORETTE??

Mandi is crazy…but she’s also from Portland. She's keeping stereotypes alive one bad hat after another.   “Ben seems like he flosses…”

Twins. Why? Just no. Are they a package deal? Can you pick one without the other? Can they even tell themselves apart? Calling it now. They will be Tweedledee and Tweedledum.

Ah, we have our token mom. Amanda is adorable. I have hopes that she’ll be the next Emily.

CHICKENS

*Not featured on the show. But Google chickens in sunglasses. Seriously.

. Tiara is “a chicken enthusiast” What does that mean? “These are my human babies”

 

THE MOB ARRIVES

First one out of the limo is Lauren B.  She’s cute and giggly. She brought him a pair of wings. I wonder if she wore blue because she’s in the sky all the time.

Caila hops out of the limo, runs, and jumps into his arms. “Thanks for catching me. Can I catch up with you inside?” 

Openners are bad. “Will you remember my name? Ben and Jen is too cute to forget” gag. me. now.

Jami is from Canada. She says she knows Kaitlin and she told Jami that Ben has a really really big…heart. I’m done. I’m just done with this show

Jubilee is stunning. She chokes a little which is adorable.

TOKEN MOM IS HERE! She’s actually normal at the greeting. That will be memorable.

Lace is wearing lace. You are a cliché. And she stole the first kiss.

Lauren R. is a math teacher. She mentions that she’s stalked him over social media. 

He asks for her name…which she never gives… “she was gorgeous…just…don’t know her name…” She's gorgeous and terrifying. Does everyone stalk people on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram? Sure! Do you admit it? NO!

There was a girl that spoke a foreign language the whole time. “I don’t know if I’m tired or just losing my mind.” Probably both. From what I’ve heard about the show, it’s probably crazy late at night by this point.

JoJo needs to just go home. The unicorn bit need to not happen. I wonder how tired Ben was because he said this was normal….and he asked to keep the hat. I bet it was to throw the mask away.

Mandi IS the first impression rose. I'm just going to call her Portland now. She offered to let Ben pollinate the flower later

Self-appointed Red Velvet is freaking out because she “has yet to see an ugly individual.” She may be falling apart, but she's got the best nickname. 

Tweedledee ad Tweedledum are so excited to make an exception for Ben and date the same man.

There is a pony. I am soooo done. 

“He’s the onesie for me!” NO. 

No one wants your puns. Go home.

Jessica looks normal. Please be normal.

Tiara’s here! Chicken lady is here!

Olivia has a cute dimple and seems normal.

Chris Harrison comes to talk to fill time and let Ben know that he can head inside. Honestly, I’m a little disappointed because they TOTALLY doctored his eyes on the ABC website. See?!?! No one has those eyes!

I say lies! No one has eyes like that!

Ben calls his parents on speaker phone and tells them that there are so many beautiful women. I hope he looks for more than looks. 

Olivia left a job that she loved as a news anchor to come on the show…if this doesn’t work out that’s will prove to be a really bad decision.

Ben is talking to all of the girls and says “tonight is gonna get crazy” and cue Chris bringing in Becca and Amber. Hahahahaha he just sends them inside “find Ben and see what he says.” Helpful Harrison is not something that Chris would ever be called.

Lace is wasted. She asks Ben for a kiss. Before Ben could explain why he wanted to wait on that, Portland came in and stole him. Lace is losing it.

Okay, Ben is solid. He searches for Lace to clarify so that she isn’t reading into things too much. That’s so thoughtful. However, Lace is so wasted that she’s reading too much into that and completely confused what Ben said.

I really like Ben and Lauren B. They seem very natural together. I hope she gets the first impression rose…..but it goes to Olivia. She gets it for giving up a job for a man she doesn’t know.

ROSE CEREMONY

Ben walks in and mimes his heart pounding. Nervous laughter obnoxiously floods the room. Ben gives the thanks-for-playing speech.

The Rose Winners is order of appearance:

Lauren B, LB, Caila (Dang it. Crazy eyes is staying), Amber, Jami, Jennifer, Jubilee, Amanda, JoJo, Lea, Rachel, Samantha, Jackie, Tweedledee, Tweedledum, Shushuana? Shushawna? Shushu? Shushu. Lauren H., Becca, PORTLAND?!?!, AND FREAKING LACE? but…..but…Red Velvet. Why? She’s cuter and WAY more sane. 

Lace is also wasted.  She grabbed Ben to scold him for not looking at her. She’s questioning everything because he didn’t look at her once. “I GAVE HER A ROSE!” Yes, you did Ben. But when you give a Lace a rose she’s gonna want a ring.

Coming Soon! to a TV near you: Girls Crying! Ben Crying! Drama! Backstabbing! Waterfalls! “Advice” from Chris Harrison! And every 5^th girl telling Ben she loves him (I see what you did there ABC)

Bachelorette: Des Edition! Week 2

Bachelorette Week 2!

Des is hopeful! Des likes some of the guys! The previews show her kissing many guys…which will make Chris Harrison happy cause that man likes ratings.

Oh there is going to be a rap video with Soulja Boy…this could be the best of the horrible ideas that ABC has put into motion.

The show starts with Chris Harrison talking to the guys.  There is much clapping and smiling over the idea of Des coming over that day.  Chris explains what everyone knows about dates, roses, and date cards.  The guys actually clap when Chris leaves….they clap. 

Brooks is the lucky winner of the first one-on-one date.  He is excited.  I am worried about his greasy hair.  Brooks is super excited.  Jake 2.0 is already nervous about someone else getting a one-on-one.  Who knows, maybe Jake 2.0 will be the perfect combo of Jake 1.0’s smiles and J.P.’s “adorable” insecurity.

“He’s nice. He’s genuine. But he’s not me.”  Wow. Great quote Ben.  My liking of you from the first episode is now gone.  Even your cute kid will not save you if you keep making comments like that. 

Not gonna lie, I am loving Clorox’s bachelorette themed commercials.  I thought the idea of having “life’s bleachable moments” was funny…but adding the bachelorette twist is great.

One-on-One #1

Brooks thinks this will be his first date with his future wife.  Nice confidence…but it’s probably misplaced.  Des is going to show Brooks what it’s like to be in her shoes.   Are you going to make him date 25 women simultaneously? Apparently not.  To put him in her shoes she jokes that she is going to put him in a wedding dress.  Instead of making him a cross dresser, she puts him in the Worst. Tux. Ever. He looks like a mini version of the Green Giant.  She starts laughing that he looks like a leprechaun.  Brooks says that she is so beautiful, but that is because of who she is.  My mother had the most hilarious reaction: “oh good job!” said with the most sarcasm I have ever heard.  They decided to leave in their wedding attire.  Des said she “actually felt like a newlywed!”  My mother responded with “oh you are so full of hot air!”  Mom makes this show 10x better.   ABC got them access to the Hollywood sign.  Brooks is wearing a backpack?? We think it might have the food in it?  ABC gets kudos for the cool date idea.  Why on earth did ABC do a shot of their shoes from below?  I don’t care what their shoe soles look like.  I’m gonna be honest.  I still don’t like his hair.   Oh there it is, the classic question: are you open to love?  Who in their right mind is going to say no?  Especially on this show! Des said that she is so glad that Brooks went through a similar situation because that means that when he falls in love he falls in love for real.  Brooks thinks that this could be the first kiss that he has with the person he will spend the rest of his life with.  Um, statistically, that’s not looking good for you. 

Des got them “lost.”  Brooks is nervous because they are in a shady area…and he LOOKS it.  She wants to drive down a closed road.  He is like “let’s NOT do that.”  He is so nervous and says that the first thing you see is graffiti on all the walls.  Who knew a guy would get so jumpy from a deserted road.  I say it’s a joke/planned party.  Oh, I win.  Boom town.  Interesting…Brooks seems to get emotional like a woman.  He is so impressed by this bridge dinner for two.  He has TEARS in his eyes.  I understand that some women want a sensitive guy like that…but I’m going to pass.  Brooks looks like he is going to cry through the whole conversation.  One of the girls in our house thinks that he “just has a natural glisten to his eyes.”  Des asked him about what he wants in relationships and he hesitated a little too much.  He goes on to say what he wants in life and he is totally getting a rose.  He talked about his struggles with his family after his parents’ divorce.  Kudos to him for sharing that immediately because he is not just telling Des, he is telling all of America…or at least the female population.

Dan, Juan Pablo, hashtag, James, Zack, Ben, Shirtless Wonder, Brandon, Brian, Michael, Mikey, Jake 2.0, Nick M and Will get the group date. 

Brooks is completely blown away by the date and dun dun dun dun dun DUN! He gets the rose, as predicted.  Are you kidding me ABC?  Now there is a live concert!? They dance on a Persian rug that is in the middle of the road…because dancing on asphalt is WAY too hard.  Des & Brooks try to sing along but they are completely off key.  Stop!  Oh good.  Slow dancing and making out.  Chris Harrison will be so pleased.  Brooks likes that Des knows what she wants…and that she is sexy.  Des doesn’t know how it could get better than this.  I don’t know how I’m going to make it through this season without shooting myself.  Between these two we are going to have more cheese than a dairy factory. 

Group Date

Des is “just so excited!” She has never “had” to juggle 14 men before in her life!  The date card said “are you here for the right reasons?” The guys have no idea what this means for the date.  Apparently this means they are making a rap video! With Soulja Boy!  Des takes falling in love seriously… and she takes rap videos very seriously.  Hastag Kasey is excited.  Soulja Boy got greeted by the Superman dance.  The video is called “For the Right Reasons.”  The guys try to rap and James fails epically.  Jake 2.0 also can’t dance.  Oh, but Will might be worse.  Brandon has some crazy short shorts on.  The guys are totally avoiding him. 

Oh my gosh.  Their lyrics are based on past contestants! Oh ABC you are clever, oh so clever.  This is going to be EPIC.  You can watch the whole video by going to ABC’swebsite.  Ben is portraying Wes with the guitar and everything! Mikey keeps trying to distract Ben. He’s being kind of a jerk.  Des tells Ben that he is a rapper now.  She says they are all hot and have great personalities.  She says that it’s so great to see personality and looks combine.  Really?  You don’t even know them yet!  And on top of that, most of them are portraying previous contestants…are you really sure you are seeing their personalities?? Hmm? James is Rated R, the wrestler.  It’s so great the way that they are making fun of other people.  Oh the Mesnick is so great.   Oh no, Brandon has to shake his junk at her.  The guys are making fun of him the entire time.  He looks so uncomfortable.  Poor guy…he was falling out of that pair of underwear.  Des said that Brandon “really brought it.”  Really?  I think you could have said something else. 

From what Des has seen today there are A LOT of guys who are marriage material.  All you have seen are hot guys.  Wow! Shirtless Wonder owns clothes!  Des thinks that he has a great smile.  He says that thoughtfulness is key, and brings her a present.  He got her an antique journal that has never been written in, but has a really cool inscription from a father to his daughter.  I think he just purchased himself a rose with a journal.  Des just said that when she first met him he was “a shirtless man” and with this journal he just showed that he is here for the right reasons.  Well played, Shirtless Wonder, well played.  Oh no! Brandon just equated Des to a butterfly and how you can’t hold them too tight or you will squish them.  Gross metaphor.

Ben is already ticking the guys in the house off.  James isn’t sure if he is there for the right reasons and his intuition says that he is not.  Ben is pulling out the kid card and waving it around like a banner.  I’m pretty sure that he is going to try to ride the kid train all the way to a rose.  I just don’t understand how he could have a kid with his best friend, still be best friends, and yet, somehow, only be friends.  EW. They are kissing and it sounds so gross. 

Brandon sees them kissing and it is just “so hard” cause she’s great and he really likes her.    Oh really?  You’ve known her for 24 hours and you say you have strong feelings for her?  You weren’t even together for half of that!

Michael wants to assure Des that he is there for the “right reasons” and he will step up if anyone else is here for the “wrong reasons.”  He tells Des that he will have her back.  Sweet.  He pretty much just announced he will be a future snitch.

Cut to Mikey still steaming about Ben swooping in and taking Des away from him.  Oh good, the guys back him up and Mikey is going in for confrontation!  I like that he is addressing it right away because that is good TV.  I bet Chris Harrison is happy too.  Ben doesn’t want tension in the house.  He is not worried about the other guys and he says that he won’t ever stab Mikey in the back.  Lies.  All kinds of lies.  He even compliments Mikey’s shoes and they are probably buds now.

Bryden, aka Military Man, gets the next one-on-one.  I like him.  He has a nice smile and he seems like a good guy. 

Oh no.  Brandon says he needs to be more aggressive about things…and he swoops in and takes her from Jake 2.0.  He seems a little desperate.  He was born.  Thanks captain obvious.  He has a mom and dad like she did.  Again, unnecessary comments.  Oh.  Psych. It’s a sob story.  This seems early to be this transparent.  This is a very transparent season.  Apparently making a rap music video titled “The Right Reasons” makes all the guys get really serious really fast.  He says that he wants to love her and come home to her.  Des is eating this up.  Brandon has “fallen in like” with her.  He didn’t expect it.  Then why did you come on the show?  While I appreciate that he didn’t say he had fallen in love with her, why on earth did he say that he didn’t expect to fall for Des?  It’s the whole reason you came on the show! ...or it should be, you know, if you were coming “for the right reasons.” 

Des sits down with the guys to give out the rose.  Ben got the rose.  Looks like he rode the kid train all the way to the rose station.  Brandon doesn’t think Ben is the front runner or better than him.  Except he kind of is the front runner…Ben jokes that he is going to have to sleep with one eye open tonight. Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner! 

One-on-One #2

Des is looking forward to her road trip with Bryden.  They talk about travel and road trips.  They stop to get some snacks at a convenience store.  Des is so excited to show him California because he has never been there before.  California embodies everything that Des is…which parts of California exactly?  Disney?  The beach? The drug addicts?  The redwoods?  Failed hopes and dreams of hundreds of want to be actors?

Their first stop is the beach.  Des tries to fly a kite and fails miserably, but on the bright side, Bryden thought it was cute.  Stop number two is an orange grove.  She asks him if he likes Brie…and he doesn’t know what it is! That’s adorable!  I like him a lot.  He is my front runner.  The last stop is a fancy-shmancy hotel. They have supper under huge tree that has lights dangling from the branches.  Des says that she felt like a little kid when she hung out the Bryden.  Bryden tells Des a deep story.  At least his story is more organic than Brandon’s.  Hahahaha.  He brought pictures! He actually thought ahead to bring pictures!  They seem to be having a good date.  Des looks interested in him.  He said that the military used to be his scape goat to keep him from getting close to people.  She asked him if it was still his scape goat.  He said no…and Des made a really odd face.  Her eyes widened in almost fright….  He got the rose for opening up.  Nice timing ABC.  They put a shot of Bryden taking off his shirt for the hot tub to Des’ talking head saying that they had chemistry.  Once they were in the hot tub it got real awkward, real fast.   He wanted to kiss her, but he was so shy.  Hahahaha! Des had to tell him to kiss her already.  He is so cute.  A little awkward, but cute.

Cocktail Party!

The guys are super serious.  There is tension in the room.  Hahaha.  Someone tweeted that they think the guy’s cycles synched up!  That’s fantastic.  Ben, Brooks, and Bryden are safe.  Apparently it’s a good sign if your name starts with a ‘b.’ Ben is so happy and so giddy.   Michael decides to tell Des that he has type 1 diabetes.  He wants her to know that it is serious and that it can be life threatening.  Yes. It can be.  My dad has that, but I don’t think it is as much of a deal breaker as he is worried it might be.  Yes, you need to watch your blood sugar and be proactive, but it is manageable.  But, before he can finish his story, Ben STEALS HER AWAY.  Dude already has a rose.  That is THE WORST…and Mikey is super ticked now.  Michael goes and tells all the guys what Ben just did.  Ben freaking stole her away to make out with her.  Des is a total jerk for letting him.  She should have told Ben to leave because he already had a rose.  All the guys are confronting him about how much of a tool he was to Michael.  I think Ben is the new Bentley from Ashely’s season.  Mikey is getting all kind of riled.  Michael is getting all riled.  Michael confronts Ben and guess who shows up: Mikey.  Ben is trying to defend himself, but he’s not doing a good job…cause there is really not a good excuse for being a tool.  But their argument did lead to some prime quotes—Ben: “You can say what you want.” Michael: “Well, I did!” & Michael: “I’m surprised he didn’t have his son come and interrupt us.”  James keeps telling them that Des will figure it out, she will be able to tell who is there “for the right reasons.”   Who knows maybe his intuition will be right on this too…and maybe this year’s theme will be “right reasons.”  Ooh! The rap they made could be the theme song like Seal’s “Kiss From A Rose” or Wes’ “Love Don’t Come Easy,” right?!?!

I wonder if they put the bachelorettes in low cut dresses, that will give no kind of shelter from the cold, to see if the guys will offer their jackets.  I feel like it could be a drinking game. 

Brian’s shiny forehead is really distracting.  I literally have no idea what he talked about.  Is it his gel leaking out of his hair?  And why is one eyebrow constantly higher than the other?  I’m pretty sure that I unintentionally raised my eyebrow to match his while he was talking.  I wonder if he will get a rose…his name does start with a ‘b.’

Chris Harrison takes drama as a good sign of the guys taking this seriously.  I think he is really taking it as a good sign of ratings.  Jake 2.0 is grinning like a buffoon.  He’s adorable, but that is ridiculous.  Des says that so many of them are “amazing husband material.”  I think this might be code for “amazing abs material.” I think Shirtless Wonder would agree.

James and his intuition got a rose.  Hashtag got a rose, but thankfully quit saying hashtag for this episode.  Dan, who I don’t remember at all, got a rose.  Juan Pablo gets a Spanish rose.  Brad, who did not get a date this week, got a rose.  Chris, another dateless man, got a rose.  Brian and his shiny face got a rose.  Told you.  ‘B’s do well.  Shirtless Wonder got a rose.  Jake 2.0 got a rose.  Mikey actually got a rose.  The drama lives on!  Zack gets a rose.  Michael gets a rose.  Good. Now he can finish his story.  Brandon gets the final rose.  He looked like he was going to faint.

Will, Robert, and Nick go home.  Will says some very nice things and thinks that he put himself into the friend zone.  Robert didn’t see this coming.  Oh honey, no one does; yet, it is the fate of many.  Nick feels pretty rejected.  Um, you were.  So good job on naming an accurate feeling. 

Des appreciates all of them and makes a toast to “the right reasons.”  Ew.

Previews say so many great things.  Ben keeps getting told that people don’t like getting lied to.  Someone is a “lying, cheating, deceitful pig!”  Oh good.  I hope its Ben.

The music video.  Oh, it’s so bad.  But good job to ABC for making Ben play another tool named Wes.