Bachelor Ben: Episode Two

Ben is probably the cutest bachelor we’ve had in the last 5 seasons. He’s just adorable. Our house is pretty excited about him. Sooo hoping I don't dislike him at the end of this. I was really excited about the last Bachelor Ben....but he picked the crazy chick....

KEVIN HART IS ON THIS EPISODE!!!!!

my reaction to seeing Kevin Hart

Lace looks like she’s going to actually have a mental breakdown. I expect great things from her. And by great I mean totally insane. 

I’m so lucky they have names for the girls on the screen all the time. So many of them look alike. He definitely has a type. I know some of the girls that have had screen time, but the rest? It's like they just filmed a Liberal Arts college sorority. 

We are starting the evening with ubiquitous shots of Ben getting ready/ looking pensive. Cause apparently it’s IMPOSSIBLE for a bachelor/bachelorette to get ready without looking pensive. Because putting on my jeans routinely makes me ponder the difficulties of dating 20 people at once. 

Lace admits that she “got a little too drunk, a little too emotional”

riiiiggghhht

“Let’s learn how to Love” –Or more aptly titled “Getting Schooled”

Jackie, LB, Lauren H, Becca, Amber, Portland, JoJo, Jubilee, Jennifer, and Lace get the first date card.

Lace is excited to redeem herself. When you have to say “I am not a crazy girl” you are pretty much A CRAZY GIRL. 

Jubilee is adorable. I really hope that she breaks the barrier on the show and actually makes it really far. The end is usually way too white.

The girls are going to school... They will be split into teams and will have 4 “classes.” After each challenge one team is eliminated. The winner will be Ben’s homecoming queen. Unfortunately, Jubilee was partnered with Lace (who is the worst) and they were eliminated.

BECCA AND JOJO DIDN’T KNOW WHAT INDIANA LOOKS LIKE

Portland won the competition….because she’s got the legs of a stork. That’s so unfortunate. Amber is the one that carried them.

Oh good, Lace is pissed and is just going to be crazy. “My goal is just make sure that Ben doesn’t think I’m a crazy girl.” Oh honey, it’s too late for that.

Becca and Ben are chatting while shooting some hoops.

“My wife could be in this group. We’re getting to the point of real feelings developing.” WHAT?!?! What kind of feelings?? You’ve spent like 30 min with a girl. Feelings of disgust? Feelings of wanting to make out? It sure as heck isn’t feelings of love. You don’t know.

Jennifer and Ben kissed. With this knowledge, Lace’s crazy eyes popped.

Back at the House

Olivia is talking about getting a date card…and makes this horrifying face

Caila gets the one on one date card. I think Kevin Hart will be in her portion of the night!

Lace steals Ben to apologize for last night. She keeps cutting him off and telling him that she’s “not that person. I don’t want you to see that person.” The more she’s talking the more he looks slightly unnerved. She looks like a crazy stalker. Jubilee just SAVED him, walked in before Lace could maul his face. “I can’t believe that Jubilee of all people would do this to me.” Honey, I don't think you guys are close. This is not your bestie stealing your boy. this is a fellow contestant on a television show politely asking to talk to Ben. He is probably blessing her for walking in before Lace pounced.

So let's have a little background on my girl Jubilee. She was adopted from Haiti and is in the military. This girl is so amazing. There is a strength to her that most of the other girls don’t have. And she's gorgeous. She one of 3 girls that I'm pulling for at this point. I really, really hope she goes far.

Lace decides to complain about her lack of time and then interrupts one of the other girls to talk to him again.

I need to make score cards for

·         Lace saying she’s not crazy
·         Ben saying I appreciate that
·         Anyone saying I want to get to know you followed by kissing
·         Disbelief about intensity of feelings developing this quickly
·         Private concerts
·         Statements of being “here for ben” or for “the right reasons”

Ben gives the rose to JoJo.

Chris Harrison planned the One-on-One (like the Bachelor ever plans them)

Ice Cube and Kevin Hart walk through the door. I’m so excited for this. Kevin Hart is hilarious.

What’s the most romantic thing you’ve done for a woman?

                Ice Cube: I married one…that’s romantic right?

                Kevin Hart: I cooked fried chicken one time…in a crock pot.

Kevin Hart is trying to make the date as cheap as possible. He heckles a street vendor to give them half priced flowers. Ice Cube wants Ben to buy condoms and hard liquor. Kevin Hart is giving commentary and Ice Cube is trying really hard not to judge them…but he totally is. I hope they gave them a lot of money to be on this show.

Obviously, the ride along was not conducive for getting to know one another. Especially when Kevin Hart was naked in the hot tub...So the night portion of the date is that much more important. Ben asks Caila what she is looking for in a man…and she answers with the right relationship and then asks him why he thinks he’s unlovable. That’s not actually answering the question.

Gosh, I should have made a score card. Ladies and those Gentlemen forced to watch this, we have a private concert.

“Are We a Perfect Match”

Emily, Shushu, Sam, Olivia, Haley, and Amanda comprise group number 2.

Tweedledee and Tweedledum need to leave. They are obnoxious. 

The girls are at a “love lab.”

a what?

The lab did eye tests, smell test, and a thermal reaction test. It was very weird. Olivia was kinda being a butt about it. She was scoring well and knew it. Sam knew she wasn't scoring as high and Olivia just kept making snide remarks. Gah, her stupid smug face! She needs to stop making the open mouth face.

Ben is very classy on this date yet somehow he picks the meanest girl on the date. 

Maybe it's a Ben thing?

Amanda is super sweet and opened up about her family and he still gave the rose to Olivia who has been a jerk about getting the high score on the love test. Granted, he can’t see it, but darn it! Stop rewarding only the outgoing people! Amanda is Emily 2.0. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS PICK EMILY 2.0!

Cocktail Party

Ben is a lot more calm and he hopes to be talking to everyone tonight. He offered his jacket! He's so sweet sometimes.

Olivia doesn’t want to ‘rest her laurels on having a rose.’ She steals him and sets the house ablaze with gossip. “Now I’m done. Everyone else have at it. I hope everyone can respect that.”  What on earth?! Why would you say that? “Me getting the rose last night, was not my choice. Him pulling me aside, was not my choice.”

OH MY GOSH. LACE pulls Olivia aside to talk about how she’s behaving. Crazy B 1 talking to Crazy B 2.  What. Is. Happening.

Ben gave Lauren B a photo that he had the producers print off. “I don’t know how to make you feel special?” He’s adorable. Go for solid women like Lauren B and Jubilee please! He is giving a couple of the women little presents. HE WANTS TO MAKE THINGS FOR AMBER’S GIRLS. It’s precious! Totally planned by ABC, but great!

Rose Ceremony

EMILY 2.0! Jubilee! Lauren B! Leah, Becca, Rachel (who is that?), Lace (HE LOOKED DOWN! HE DIDN’T WANT TO KEEP HER!) LB –wants to talk to Ben. She's leaving?!?! Jennifer, Emily, Jamie, Lauren H, Shushu, Haley

Chris Harrison comes to remind us all how to count to 1

we should all be able to count to 1

Amber gets the final rose.

Up next: Ben makes out with people, everyone says he’s great, Ben makes out with more people, Olivia gets super possessive, Lace cries more than I think is possible, and eye rolls abound.