Tuesday, May 19, 2015

And then there actually was one

Bachelorette(s) Night Two

Someone should punch Chris Harrison in the face.  He told Britt she wasn’t the bachelorette in the longest way possible.  I’ve counted the roses….the majority of the men have voted…..for one woman...who they hope to have a future with….and that woman….is not you.  Bro, just tell the girl she didn’t get it.  And then he told her it was close.  That’s not helping.  Now we see the tears that Britt became famous for.  We also get the classic “I’m just looking for love” and “I thought this was my time”…now I just have “All TheRight Moves” by OneRepublic in my head…

Huh.  Apparently when Chris Harrison is involved, good news travels faster than bad news.  Kaitlyn is shocked and delighted to be the bachelorette.  Best part: Chris tells her to take a minute before she goes in because she needs to send some guys home.  Her response? “Oh, I still have to do that??” It was precious. 
Kaitlyn calls her mom on speaker phone to tell her that she got the job of dating 25 men (well…soon to be 15 or so). 

Shawn and many others are super excited that Kaitlyn is the bachelorette.  If I’m gonna be honest, I think that she should just take Shawn and Ian and send the rest home.  Ian snags her first (well done) and he is quickly interrupted.  Josh gives Kaitlyn the rose that he welded.  “He was like all ‘I’m a Maaaann’ and that’s hot.” I think that went over well. 

Chris Harrison brought out the first impression rose.  Kaitlyn is just ignoring it at this point. Tony, aka Zen Master, is really confused right now.  Some of the guys are totally pumped that it’s Kaitlyn.  Others are having to rethink things because they voted for the other girl.  Jared is an interesting little fellow.  He told Kaitlyn that he voted for Britt.  He wants her to know that he does still want to be there, but that he did vote for Britt.  Guido Jimmy Fallon has felt more emotions in the last 24 hours than he has in a long time.  He wanted Britt and he just doesn’t know what to do now.

Interesting.  JJ voted for Britt and was just talking to Kaitlyn because he felt like he should.  But she validated his fatherhood and he was completely floored. 
The dentist gave Kaitlyn a cleaning…with his tongue.  Ew.  In the meantime, Jared is worried that he said too much or too little.  Also, if any of you ever wondered what Sean Faris would look like without a mole, he would look like Jared.

Shawn gets the first impression rose (as he should) and they make out for a bit (as I think is a requirement…)

Kaitlyn is now choosing her men (or possibly Britt's)

Chris gets the first rose that does not come with smooches.
Ben H gets a rose.  JJ gets a rose and he is PUMPED.  Joe and his horses get a rose.  Sad LL Cool J gets a rose (which is sad cause he wanted Britt).  Daniel gets a rose--he looks like Edward Norton….this distracted me enough that I missed some people.  I needed pictorial proof.

Zen Master gets a rose which means that for another week we can wonder who the heck punched him the day before he came to the show.  I missed some names in here… I got distracted okay...still by our Edward Norton look a like.  Did they just have guys submit a picture to that website that will tell you which celebrity you look like? 

Oh good, guido Jimmy Fallon wants to talk to Kaitlyn.  I hope he’s saying that his achy breaky heart needs to go home.  He left to go find Britt.  GUYS IT IS SUNRISE! THEY HAVE KEPT THEM UP LITERALLY ALL NIGHT!!! I’m impressed they all look so good…

Oh good.  Ian got a rose.  I was about to start a riot.  He’s sooo fine. 

Dramatic highlights from this season (Harrison’s words, not mine): A HORSE! Roses, make out sessions, laughter, sequins EVERYWHERE, guys getting jealous, NICK?!?!?!?! What the HECK? Also, does she literally make out with everyone?!?!?! Hold up, did she sleep with someone?? Daaaaannnnngggg.  So many man tears.  Ian calls her out on it! What?  This is crazy!!!!

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