Bachelorette Week 2!
Des is hopeful! Des likes some of the guys! The
previews show her kissing many guys…which will make Chris Harrison happy cause
that man likes ratings.
Oh there is going to be a rap video with Soulja
Boy…this could be the best of the horrible ideas that ABC has put into motion.
The show starts with Chris Harrison talking to the
guys. There is much clapping and smiling
over the idea of Des coming over that day.
Chris explains what everyone knows about dates, roses, and date
cards. The guys actually clap when Chris
leaves….they clap.
Brooks is the lucky winner of the first one-on-one
date. He is excited. I am worried about his greasy hair. Brooks is super excited. Jake 2.0 is already nervous about someone
else getting a one-on-one. Who knows,
maybe Jake 2.0 will be the perfect combo of Jake 1.0’s smiles and J.P.’s “adorable”
insecurity.
“He’s nice. He’s genuine. But he’s not me.” Wow. Great quote Ben. My liking of you from the first episode is now
gone. Even your cute kid will not save
you if you keep making comments like that.
Not gonna lie, I am loving Clorox’s bachelorette
themed commercials. I thought the idea
of having “life’s bleachable moments” was funny…but adding the bachelorette
twist is great.
One-on-One #1
Brooks thinks this will be his first date with his
future wife. Nice confidence…but it’s
probably misplaced. Des is going to show
Brooks what it’s like to be in her shoes.
Are you going to make him date 25 women simultaneously? Apparently
not. To put him in her shoes she jokes
that she is going to put him in a wedding dress. Instead of making him a cross dresser, she
puts him in the Worst. Tux. Ever. He looks like a mini version of the Green
Giant. She starts laughing that he looks
like a leprechaun. Brooks says that she
is so beautiful, but that is because of who she is. My mother had the most hilarious reaction: “oh
good job!” said with the most sarcasm I have ever heard. They decided to leave in their wedding
attire. Des said she “actually felt like
a newlywed!” My mother responded with “oh
you are so full of hot air!” Mom makes
this show 10x better. ABC got them
access to the Hollywood sign. Brooks is
wearing a backpack?? We think it might have the food in it? ABC gets kudos for the cool date idea. Why on earth did ABC do a shot of their shoes
from below? I don’t care what their shoe
soles look like. I’m gonna be
honest. I still don’t like his
hair. Oh there it is, the classic
question: are you open to love? Who in
their right mind is going to say no? Especially
on this show! Des said that she is so glad that Brooks went through a similar
situation because that means that when he falls in love he falls in love for
real. Brooks thinks that this could be
the first kiss that he has with the person he will spend the rest of his life
with. Um, statistically, that’s not
looking good for you.
Des got them “lost.” Brooks is nervous because they are in a shady
area…and he LOOKS it. She wants to drive
down a closed road. He is like “let’s
NOT do that.” He is so nervous and says
that the first thing you see is graffiti on all the walls. Who knew a guy would get so jumpy from a
deserted road. I say it’s a joke/planned
party. Oh, I win. Boom town.
Interesting…Brooks seems to get emotional like a woman. He is so impressed by this bridge dinner for
two. He has TEARS in his eyes. I understand that some women want a sensitive
guy like that…but I’m going to pass.
Brooks looks like he is going to cry through the whole
conversation. One of the girls in our
house thinks that he “just has a natural glisten to his eyes.” Des asked him about what he wants in relationships
and he hesitated a little too much. He
goes on to say what he wants in life and he is totally getting a rose. He talked about his struggles with his family
after his parents’ divorce. Kudos to him
for sharing that immediately because he is not just telling Des, he is telling
all of America…or at least the female population.
Dan, Juan Pablo, hashtag, James, Zack, Ben,
Shirtless Wonder, Brandon, Brian, Michael, Mikey, Jake 2.0, Nick M and Will get
the group date.
Brooks is completely blown away by the date and
dun dun dun dun dun DUN! He gets the rose, as predicted. Are you kidding me ABC? Now there is a live concert!? They dance on a
Persian rug that is in the middle of the road…because dancing on asphalt is WAY
too hard. Des & Brooks try to sing
along but they are completely off key.
Stop! Oh good. Slow dancing and making out. Chris Harrison will be so pleased. Brooks likes that Des knows what she wants…and
that she is sexy. Des doesn’t know how
it could get better than this. I don’t
know how I’m going to make it through this season without shooting myself. Between these two we are going to have more
cheese than a dairy factory.
Des is “just so excited!” She has never “had” to
juggle 14 men before in her life! The
date card said “are you here for the right reasons?” The guys have no idea what
this means for the date. Apparently this
means they are making a rap video! With Soulja Boy! Des takes falling in love seriously… and she
takes rap videos very seriously. Hastag
Kasey is excited. Soulja Boy got greeted
by the Superman dance. The video is called
“For the Right Reasons.” The guys try to
rap and James fails epically. Jake 2.0
also can’t dance. Oh, but Will might be
worse. Brandon has some crazy short
shorts on. The guys are totally avoiding
him.
Oh my gosh.
Their lyrics are based on past contestants! Oh ABC you are clever, oh so
clever. This is going to be EPIC. You can watch the whole video by going to ABC’swebsite. Ben is portraying Wes with the
guitar and everything! Mikey keeps trying to distract Ben. He’s being kind of a
jerk. Des tells Ben that he is a rapper
now. She says they are all hot and have
great personalities. She says that it’s so
great to see personality and looks combine.
Really? You don’t even know them
yet! And on top of that, most of them
are portraying previous contestants…are you really sure you are seeing their
personalities?? Hmm? James is Rated R, the wrestler. It’s so great the way that they are making
fun of other people. Oh the Mesnick is
so great. Oh no, Brandon has to shake his junk at
her. The guys are making fun of him the
entire time. He looks so
uncomfortable. Poor guy…he was falling
out of that pair of underwear. Des said
that Brandon “really brought it.”
Really? I think you could have
said something else.
From what Des has seen today there are A LOT of
guys who are marriage material. All you
have seen are hot guys. Wow! Shirtless
Wonder owns clothes! Des thinks that he
has a great smile. He says that thoughtfulness
is key, and brings her a present. He got
her an antique journal that has never been written in, but has a really cool
inscription from a father to his daughter.
I think he just purchased himself a rose with a journal. Des just said that when she first met him he
was “a shirtless man” and with this journal he just showed that he is here for
the right reasons. Well played,
Shirtless Wonder, well played. Oh no! Brandon
just equated Des to a butterfly and how you can’t hold them too tight or you
will squish them. Gross metaphor.
Ben is already ticking the guys in the house
off. James isn’t sure if he is there for
the right reasons and his intuition says that he is not. Ben is pulling out the kid card and waving it
around like a banner. I’m pretty sure
that he is going to try to ride the kid train all the way to a rose. I just don’t understand how he could have a
kid with his best friend, still be best friends, and yet, somehow, only be
friends. EW. They are kissing and it
sounds so gross.
Brandon sees them kissing and it is just “so hard”
cause she’s great and he really likes her.
Oh really? You’ve known her for 24 hours and you say you
have strong feelings for her? You weren’t
even together for half of that!
Michael wants to assure Des that he is there for
the “right reasons” and he will step up if anyone else is here for the “wrong
reasons.” He tells Des that he will have
her back. Sweet. He pretty much just announced he will be a
future snitch.
Cut to Mikey still steaming about Ben swooping in
and taking Des away from him. Oh good,
the guys back him up and Mikey is going in for confrontation! I like that he is addressing it right away
because that is good TV. I bet Chris
Harrison is happy too. Ben doesn’t want
tension in the house. He is not worried
about the other guys and he says that he won’t ever stab Mikey in the
back. Lies. All kinds of lies. He even compliments Mikey’s shoes and they
are probably buds now.
Bryden, aka Military Man, gets the next
one-on-one. I like him. He has a nice smile and he seems like a good
guy.
Oh no.
Brandon says he needs to be more aggressive about things…and he swoops
in and takes her from Jake 2.0. He seems
a little desperate. He was born. Thanks captain obvious. He has a mom and dad like she did. Again, unnecessary comments. Oh. Psych.
It’s a sob story. This seems early to be
this transparent. This is a very
transparent season. Apparently making a
rap music video titled “The Right Reasons” makes all the guys get really
serious really fast. He says that he
wants to love her and come home to her.
Des is eating this up. Brandon
has “fallen in like” with her. He didn’t
expect it. Then why did you come on the
show? While I appreciate that he didn’t
say he had fallen in love with her, why on earth did he say that he didn’t
expect to fall for Des? It’s the whole
reason you came on the show! ...or it should be, you know, if you were coming “for
the right reasons.”
Des sits down with the guys to give out the
rose. Ben got the rose. Looks like he rode the kid train all the way
to the rose station. Brandon doesn’t
think Ben is the front runner or better than him. Except he kind of is the front runner…Ben
jokes that he is going to have to sleep with one eye open tonight. Ding, ding,
ding! We have a winner!
Des is looking forward to her road trip with
Bryden. They talk about travel and road
trips. They stop to get some snacks at a
convenience store. Des is so excited to
show him California because he has never been there before. California embodies everything that Des is…which
parts of California exactly? Disney? The beach? The drug addicts? The redwoods?
Failed hopes and dreams of hundreds of want to be actors?
Their first stop is the beach. Des tries to fly a kite and fails miserably,
but on the bright side, Bryden thought it was cute. Stop number two is an orange grove. She asks him if he likes Brie…and he doesn’t
know what it is! That’s adorable! I like
him a lot. He is my front runner. The last stop is a fancy-shmancy hotel. They have
supper under huge tree that has lights dangling from the branches. Des says that she felt like a little kid when
she hung out the Bryden. Bryden tells
Des a deep story. At least his story is
more organic than Brandon’s. Hahahaha. He brought pictures! He actually thought
ahead to bring pictures! They seem to be
having a good date. Des looks interested
in him. He said that the military used
to be his scape goat to keep him from getting close to people. She asked him if it was still his scape
goat. He said no…and Des made a really
odd face. Her eyes widened in almost
fright…. He got the rose for opening
up. Nice timing ABC. They put a shot of Bryden taking off his
shirt for the hot tub to Des’ talking head saying that they had chemistry. Once they were in the hot tub it got real
awkward, real fast. He wanted to kiss
her, but he was so shy. Hahahaha! Des
had to tell him to kiss her already. He
is so cute. A little awkward, but cute.
Cocktail Party!
The guys are super serious. There is tension in the room. Hahaha.
Someone tweeted that they think the guy’s cycles synched up! That’s fantastic. Ben, Brooks, and Bryden are safe. Apparently it’s a good sign if your name
starts with a ‘b.’ Ben is so happy and so giddy. Michael decides to tell Des that he has type 1
diabetes. He wants her to know that it
is serious and that it can be life threatening.
Yes. It can be. My dad has that, but
I don’t think it is as much of a deal breaker as he is worried it might
be. Yes, you need to watch your blood
sugar and be proactive, but it is manageable.
But, before he can finish his story, Ben STEALS HER AWAY. Dude already has a rose. That is THE WORST…and Mikey is super ticked
now. Michael goes and tells all the guys
what Ben just did. Ben freaking stole
her away to make out with her. Des is a
total jerk for letting him. She should
have told Ben to leave because he already had a rose. All the guys are confronting him about how
much of a tool he was to Michael. I
think Ben is the new Bentley from Ashely’s season. Mikey is getting all kind of riled. Michael is getting all riled. Michael confronts Ben and guess who shows up:
Mikey. Ben is trying to defend himself,
but he’s not doing a good job…cause there is really not a good excuse for being
a tool. But their argument did lead to
some prime quotes—Ben: “You can say what you want.” Michael: “Well, I did!” &
Michael: “I’m surprised he didn’t have his son come and interrupt us.” James keeps telling them that Des will figure
it out, she will be able to tell who is there “for the right reasons.” Who knows maybe his intuition will be right
on this too…and maybe this year’s theme will be “right reasons.” Ooh! The rap they made could be the theme
song like Seal’s “Kiss From A Rose” or Wes’ “Love Don’t Come Easy,” right?!?!
I wonder if they put the bachelorettes in low cut
dresses, that will give no kind of shelter from the cold, to see if the guys
will offer their jackets. I feel like it
could be a drinking game.
Brian’s shiny forehead is really distracting. I literally have no idea what he talked
about. Is it his gel leaking out of his
hair? And why is one eyebrow constantly
higher than the other? I’m pretty sure
that I unintentionally raised my eyebrow to match his while he was talking. I wonder if he will get a rose…his name does
start with a ‘b.’
Chris Harrison takes drama as a good sign of the
guys taking this seriously. I think he
is really taking it as a good sign of ratings.
Jake 2.0 is grinning like a buffoon.
He’s adorable, but that is ridiculous.
Des says that so many of them are “amazing husband material.” I think this might be code for “amazing abs
material.” I think Shirtless Wonder would agree.
James and his intuition got a rose. Hashtag got a rose, but thankfully quit
saying hashtag for this episode. Dan,
who I don’t remember at all, got a rose.
Juan Pablo gets a Spanish rose.
Brad, who did not get a date this week, got a rose. Chris, another dateless man, got a rose. Brian and his shiny face got a rose. Told you.
‘B’s do well. Shirtless Wonder
got a rose. Jake 2.0 got a rose. Mikey actually got a rose. The drama lives on! Zack gets a rose. Michael gets a rose. Good. Now he can finish his story. Brandon gets the final rose. He looked like he was going to faint.
Will, Robert, and Nick go home. Will says some very nice things and thinks
that he put himself into the friend zone.
Robert didn’t see this coming. Oh
honey, no one does; yet, it is the fate of many. Nick feels pretty rejected. Um, you were.
So good job on naming an accurate feeling.
Des appreciates all of them and makes a toast to “the
right reasons.” Ew.
Previews say so many great things. Ben keeps getting told that people don’t like
getting lied to. Someone is a “lying,
cheating, deceitful pig!” Oh good. I hope its Ben.
The music video.
Oh, it’s so bad. But good job to
ABC for making Ben play another tool named Wes.
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