Monday, June 2, 2014

Hurricane Andi

Week 3 Part 2

Chris Harrison tells us that this is part two of our exciting two night show…I think Chris needs to look up the definition of “exciting” because last night was decidedly not. However, I have high hopes for high drama with the basketball clips.

Andi is saying the classic “what? I like more than one guy right now?? *twirls hair around fingers* "How can this be?” *chomps gum* and “I need to get to know more of them!” *hair flip over shoulder*  It’s drivel really.  I wonder if they make them say these things. Like, those who do not speak, to not eat. 

The guys are definitely more excited about being in Connecticut than they were for being in Santa B.  Six of the guys try to see if they will fit in the massive Jacuzzi. 

Dylan gets the first one-on-one.  This is good for him because he was so disappointed to not get some time with her last night.  They are going on an old steam train.  Andi says something insipid about how maybe their relationship will “pick up some steam.” Do they have writers for that crap? Literally every single one of the bachelors and bachelorettes have said stupid crap like that.  Maybe, “thou must pun” is one of the bachelor/ette Ten Commandments. 
Wow.  Dylan found in a way to work in a bit of his story by just dropping the bomb of his brother’s funeral on Andi…and then swiftly switching back to talking about the scenery.  At the dinner, Andi says that she wants to get to know him and that he has been really nervous.  She wanted to give him one on one time to try and get past the nerves and get to know basically open up or you don't get a rose...He starts to tell her a bit about himself but he is just rattling stuff off because she is forcing him to tell her things.  Andi looks like she is in lawyer mode.  As tears start rolling down his cheeks, Andi finally snaps out of the lawyer mode.  But she didn’t reach out to him.  For Pete’s sake woman! Hug him! Or at least grab his hand.  But she stayed stationary and just had tears in her eyes.  In her talking head she feels bad about dragging this out of him, but that’s all she talks about.  Reassure him and focus on him.  Having a pity party in your head is not helping the situation.  So after he is done talking (which Dylan has a quick rebound time after tears, btw) Andi gives Dylan the rose.  But she wants to make sure that he knows this is not a pity rose.  Andi has a surprise for the end of the date.  They ended the date by blowing the train whistle….that’s not a good surprise…

Group Date: JJ, Chris, Andrew, Angel Eric, Nick, Marquel, Male Vienna, Tasos, Brian, Patrick, Josh. Andi comes out with some WMBA players and they are smoking the guys.  One of the girls said it was like more of a warm up than a game.  Josh was the only guy that recognized the girls by name and knew about their track records.  Andi decided to have the guys play each other.  Whichever team wins will get to go on.  Losers go home.  They are split into the Rosebuds and the Five Hearts.  Andi could not believe how competitive they were off the bat.  It’s half time and the teams are tied.  Marquel has the most hilarious talking heads.  “We are champions.  We wake up and breathe excellence.”  “Losers will go back to the hotel and eat cereal…or whatever losers eat.”  Wow.  Great editing ABC.  Painting the 5 Hearts as super sad and pathetic and juxtaposing that against the cheering Rosebuds.  I don’t feel sorry for them.  Josh is pouting like a child.  I will not pity that. 

OH MY GOSH I AM SO TIRED OF ANDI NOT LISTENING TO WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING!! She basically just browbeat Angel Eric into telling her about his family.  He was saying that he felt like she was super formal with him and he didn’t like it.  She accused him of holding back.  He is being honest with her and she is not listening to a word he is saying until he tells her about his family, but even then she's not really listening.  JUST LISTEN FOR ONCE!
Brian is showing Andi how to do different things on the court.  Andi is super attracted to Brian while he is talking about basketball stuff…her talking heads are slightly uncomfortable when she’s talking about how sexy he is.  Brian just made a half-court shot!!! Nope not slightly uncomfortable, full on uncomfortable.  She needs to stop. 

Andi and Nick sneak off to make out.  She feels like he sees her for who she is.  He says he found someone he could marry. 

Marquel got no screen time.  This displeases me.

Brian got the rose for being “the MVP on the court and the MVP off the court.” 

Marcus and the second One-On-One. Andi has a knack of saying ominous things.  “This is a huge day for Marcus…and a huge day for us.” Andi wants to face her fear of heights with Marucs.  Supposedly Andi requested this date.  Awesome.  She picked a guy who is also terrified of heights.  Andi is freaking out.  Marcus is doing a good job of trying things first and encouraging her.  My favorite guy from the show today is the guy running the ropes who is literally pushing Andi’s feet off the ledge.  Oh ABC, you guys are fantastic.  They are rappelling down the hotel that the guys are staying in! The ropes go by the guys’ window!! For the dinner portion of their night, my house missed most of the conversation because we were going off about how much Andi annoys us.  She has changed since coming into power.  And that led us to talk about other people who changed when they were the chosen one…like Ben and his nasty hair and nasty girl choices.  Andi is pulling a Jillian and equating being encouraging during a random activity with ropes as being good relationship material.  Oh look, a surprise concert.  But it’s not a private concert.  Does this count for the concert vs helicopter tally?  We technically stated it was private concerts vs helicopters...what's our consensus?   Also, new theory: they always make out when they dance because Andi can’t dance and that will keep them from noticing. 

Cocktail Party

Brian fixes his faux pas and kisses Andi.  Marquel is super cute and funny and wants to show her how to defend herself.  I love that Marquel got time.
Hallelujah! Angel Eric is calling Andi on her crap.  He says that he was thinking about their conversation and he says that he has been open with her (which he has)  He feels like she hasn't been real with him (which she hasn't).  HE JUST CALLED HER A TV ACTRESS! My house just erupted in applause for this man!!! Angel Eric says that she has a poker face.  He says that he just wanted to see her, the real her.  She completely loses it.  For that reaction, she knew it.  She goes off about how she is exhausted and she has worked her butt off. GAH! She’s not listening to a word he was saying.  He said he understood why she was doing that, but he wanted to get to know the real Andi.  She freaking sent him home!  Good.  Cause you did not deserve someone who was willing to work through things if you won’t even listen to them.  Andi goes back and chews out all of the guys. Idiot. What I have learned about Andi is that she will take one man's actions and apply them to all men...I wonder if that is why she is single...

Chris Harrison is now telling us about Angel Eric.  This was his last scene so they wanted to talk about him instead of showing who gets roses.  Okay, I’m calling crap on this whole thing.  Andi says that there just wasn't as much honesty in this relationship as there was in her other relationships.  BULL CRAP.  Do her ears even work?  Did she rewatch any of this?  She is having trouble with the fact that the last conversation they had was the one where she sent him home….but this would have been your last conversation anyway.  You can talk about how you could have smoothed things over after the final rose, but honey, he would have brought it up again.  You didn't listen, you weren't being real with him, and you clearly overreacted out of exhaustion.  So own that.  Apologize.  Standing your ground on your initial overreaction is not a good call.  It makes you look like a B.  My main issue here is that Andi’s mantra was honesty.  But the instant anyone was truly honest with her, she sent him packing. 

Also, Chris Harrison tells us that Tasos did not get a rose. 

I officially cannot stand Andi….these are going to be some rough weeks.  I hope my favorites escape Hurricane Andi in one piece.  

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