The Bachelorette: Des Edition Week 6
ABC wants you to know that this is an “EPIC-sode.”
Barcelona is also “the perfect” place to fall in love. Des is hopeful. Des is kissing everyone. James is angry and teary eyed, depending on
the shot that you are watching.
They show us shots of Barcelona with some really
dance-y music. This city is full of life
and Des finds it very inspiring. And
like every other place they've been, Des finds it to be the perfect place to
fall in love. She says that she has
crushes which gives her hope of falling completely. She can’t wait.
ABC does some nice editing to show all the guys
sending dirty looks at James. There is
still much talk about his not-so-secret conversation with Mikey last week. He might be here for the wrong reasons.
Chris Harrison meets the boys outside of a
bar. They get the run down…again. I wonder if they get as tired of this as we
do. Oh interesting! Des will not have
cocktail party this week. Jake 2.0 gets
the first one-on-one. “My time has
finally come.” That is Jake 2.0’s
rallying cry for this date. He says that
he might address the James issue.
One-on-One #1
Des and Jake 2.0 walk down the street and do some
sight-seeing. He said he could not stop thinking about her….and
he was rewarded with a kiss and hand holding.
They drink from a fountain that is apparently a promise to return to
Barcelona. Jake 2.0 tells Des about his
relationship with his recovered alcoholic father. He hadn't told anyone this before. Des, of course, is touched. I wonder, did you mean to tell all of America
too? He goes on to say that his dad has
cancer….and that nobody in his office knows…well they do now!!! Des
feels closer to Jake 2.0 since he shared his feelings with her…she “wants a man
with depth.” And cue my eye rolls at that ridiculousness. Yeah.
James screams depth.
They head to a private dinner in some kind of entirely
bricked over room. Jake 2.0 wants to
steal her away….from the dinner table?
From the cameras? Yep. From the cameras.
But no worries, the at least 10 person camera crew tracked them
down. Des and Jake 2.0 made out in an
ally. Des said it was “in such an
amazing way. Sensual and Romantic.” Um what?
I need to know this why? Yeah, Jake
2.0 grabbing your butt is SUPER romantic.
In the words of my mother “gag me with a spoon.” Des told him that he is so strong and
sensitive and she gives him the rose.
Jake 2.0 is a genius! He waited to talk about James until after he got the rose. Smart, smart man. He even asked her if she wanted to hear this
before he dropped names. Alright, I’m on
Jake 2.0’s team. Des is pretty
pissed. Her talking head is ranting about
the fact that she has told them to leave if they aren't here for the right
reasons. Um…no one there for fame would
walk out of this opportunity. If
anything, the people that want you to succeed are the ones that leave. They are the ones that have evaluated that
this is not for them so they will step aside and let the bachelor/bachelorette
find love. Really, the bachelorette should
cancel the show after somebody offers to leave and just chase after them.
Brooks, Hashtag, Chris the Poet, James, Michael, and Juan
Pablo get the group date.
Juan Pablo actually had a talking head!!!!
Jake 2.0 has a power huddle with his buddies and
tells them about his talk with Des.
Michael seems to really like sweat bands….
Group Date
Des can’t wait to hug the guys and be with
them. Des says that her date with Jake
2.0 was great and that they shared a lot.
Either ABC didn't show it, or the only sharing was saliva. Juan Pablo seems super excited for this group
date. Juan Pablo feels like he is at
home. Brooks even says that Juan Pablo
is literally translated as “you have no chance and I am going after Desiree” The guys are going to be playing soccer
against Des and her team…which we are guessing is a professional team. Juan Pablo swears, so I think he knows who
they are. All of the American guys think
that they will totally beat the girls.
Juan Pablo says they will not be faster than him and he does some great victory
posing. ABC is finally delivering
on the Juan Pablo footage. James is an
utter failure at blocking. They should
have picked someone else for goalie. And
all the guys eat their words. Juan Pablo
is a little worried now. Juan Pablo and
Brooks both call James a little girl because he let 10 goals to go past
him. All of the guys rightly blame him
for losing the game.
Hashtag is getting worked up in his talking
head. He has apparently been waiting to
confront James. Oh this should be
good. Not for Hashtag or James, but oh
so good for ratings. Des takes Chris
away first. Des tells him that he is
kind of athletic. Thanks for the update…he
was a baseball player...they are generally athletic… This week the tables have turned and Des
wrote Chris some poetry. He naturally
rewards her with kisses. We all think
that this is very intimate and personal when you are dating so many of the
other guys. This isn't even the final
two. But I bet he makes it to the final
two!
Michael is encouraging Hashtag to confront
James. They think that “if James is a
man, he will own up and apologize.” Here
we go. James looks stunned. Hey! He borrowed Mikey’s dumbfounded face!
Brooks and Des talk about how they are “emotionally
involved.” What does that mean? If they are just saying that they like each
other than that was a really awkward way to say it. He is pleasantly surprised at their
relationship.
Aaaannndd
Back to the guys confronting James. His
defense is “I didn't start the conversation”??? Really? James yells at Michael
that he hasn't even been on a one-on-one date.
What does that have to do with anything?
We also want to know what happened to Michael’s finger. Those two just yell back and forth at each
other. James calls Michael a
confrontational dude. Michael says James
is auditioning for the Jersey Shore. James
also keeps eyeing the camera. James
turns into the Jersey Shore Hulk when he gets angry. He yells things in nonsensical patterns seasoned with swears. He might as well be saying “James. Smash.”
Hashtag walks off to find Des and tell her about
what he heard. Des says it is
disgusting. She now goes off to find
James. Hashtag does the best little
smirk. Des then says that she is not
giving out the date rose and walks all the guys out except James. Either he is going home or he is going to get
the rose.
Des feels blindsided. James comes over and lays down for this. Oh now he’s sitting up. He is whining and saying that he didn't say
any of those things. It was all
Mikey. The guys ganged up on him. He is not here to be the Bachelor. HE’S CRYING.
He’s pulling the girl move and crying!
Well, it does fit with his girly way of blocking goals. She says that she trusts those guys and that
she trusts him too. She is going to take
minute because he says he wants to be here.
She says that she needs to sleep on it.
So he’s not safe, but he’s not gone either…. James says that he is
emotionally exhausted and robbed by these guys.
Back at the house, the guys are filling Jake 2.0
and Shirtless Wonder in on the festivities of the night. James is again crying in the car on his ride
back. The guys’ faces when James walks
back in are priceless! Shirtless Wonder
looks like he is going to pee his pants!
One-on-One #2
The next day James is sulking on the balcony. Shirtless Wonder is worried that all this
drama is going to carry over to his date.
Chris the Poet sends him off with luck.
Des was not feeling happy today. What? This would make you sad? Confusion and unfinished business might
tarnish your other date? No. That can’t
be. Shirtless Wonder has made
distracting Des his goal. They walk with
around and end up in an art studio. We
should have seen this coming because Des was carrying her sketch book. Shirtless Wonder says that he was creative,
but he doesn't just sit down and sketch.
Des and Shirtless Wonder reveal their sketches and then decide to sketch
each other. His. Is. Awful. At least he apologized in advance. Des fell down because she was laughing so
hard. She said it was the worst thing
she’d ever seen. They brought in a male
model…that was naked. Shirtless Wonder’s
face was great. He looked
horrified. The model was doing a
hilarious duck face. Shirtless Wonder
snuck off to change and he came in as a model in tighty whities. Oh look, he found a way to be…shirtless.
They have dinner in a wine cellar. Shirtless Wonder is excited for this “I’m in
a cave! With Des! And candlelight!” Des
likes how curious a person Shirtless Wonder is.
And they make out. They did super
slow kissing. It looked like ABC put
them in slow motion…but they didn't. Des
is telling him how she likes his outlook on life and his personality and offers
him the rose. After they took care of
business, they made out some more. As a
recap, Shirtless Wonder listed the right reasons, which happen to also be the
reasons why he is here. Somebody paid
attention in class with Soulja Boy! Des’
talking head is questioning how this is so different from James’ motives. She knows why Shirtless Wonder is here, but
she doesn't know why James is here.
Back at the guys’ suite, James asks Jake 2.0 his
perspective on the issue. Jake 2.0 lays
it out very rationally and calmly, while still pointing out what is wrong with
it. James starts yelling, which
naturally draws Jake 2.0 into yelling.
THEN James tells Jake 2.0 to stop yelling. I would just like to say: once a cheater,
always a cheater. Except this time,
James is cheating with the wrong reasons.
James got Jake 2.0 so riled that he actually
swore. This is first.
Michael lets Jake 2.0 know that James yells at
everyone. It’s not just you man, he
treats everyone badly(…except the ladies).
Michael just called James “evil” and “sinister.” James struts over in a button up shirt and
nice jeans and plops down next to Michael…who scoots closer to Brooks. Des comes and asks the guys if they are
having fun. They give the most half-hearted
‘yeaaahhh’ I have ever heard. The guys
are so sure that he is going home, which makes me think that he might not
go. Des’ talking head says that she will
send him home. Yet, there is so much
time left in this episode. James is
wearing flip flops with his dressy outfit??? Why?? What’s wrong with you??? Did
you get distracted by doing your hair? James admits to saying hurtful things
and that he learned his lesson. Des asks
him what his intentions are. I want to
know what James’ job is…I hope it’s not sales because it’s not very good. Oh hey, you can see the guys on the balcony
behind them! Des empathizes with
James. Des is in a tough spot. She either trusts the guys and sends him home
or she sends a message that she doesn't believe them and that she wants to be
with James. Period. Either she is picking him overall or she
sends him home. He is selling himself so
well…to her. I think is a nasty piece of
work. James says he doesn't want all
this drama to affect whether or not he gets the rose. How else would this information work? Even if you try to keep it separate, it will
be on everyone’s mind. Des does not send
him home at this point. He walks back in
and the guys look like they are questioning everything. Juan Pablo looks confused.
The hotel room is super awkward. I wonder if they tell them they can’t have
supper if they leave the common area. Chris
the Poet asks James what they talked about.
James says that somebody out of this group will become the Bachelor…just
like Des did. Honey, she is a
woman. She became the Bachelorette. He goes on to say, “I have a very great sense
of self.” He made everyone so mad in
this group. Chris the Poet actually
entered the fray. He raised his
voice. This drops the neutral parties
down to 3: Juan Pablo, Brooks, and Shirtless Wonder. James yelled that “If I’m more in tune with
f-ing me than reality, you will have to respect that!” Is it just me, or did he say that they have
to respect that he is not in tune with reality.
I didn't cover more of this fight more because James uses so many words in such
a short span of time and every single one of them is ridiculous. His thoughts twist back around on
themselves. HE MAKES WORD PRETZELS!
Rose Ceremony
The guys are nervous. Brooks is wearing brown shoes with a black
suit. No. You fail the fashion portion of this
evening. Des says that she doesn't know
what to do. Yes you do. You just don’t
want to do it. Don’t lie to us. The women of America will revolt!
THREE PEOPLE WILL BE LEAVING!!! Well, goodbye Michael.
Des gives the usual this-is-so-hard speech and
I-made-the-best-decisions-I-could remarks.
Chris the Poet gets a rose.
Brooks gets a rose. No way! She
actually picked Michael. I mean, I like
him, but…this means Juan Pablo is going home.
No more Spanish roses! This means the women of America will be devastated.
Juan Pablo says this is how life is. He wants a family: he has a daughter but he
also wants a wife. Put your number on
twitter. The majority of America will
respond. Hashtag also goes home. James is also going home. He says that people will not know the whole
truth…ever.
The group will head to the Island of Medina
next. Helicopters, horses, canoes,
making out on beaches, AND TEARS.
Bloopers: Carlos the trainer is showing the guys and Des how to warm up. There is this high feet dancing thing that is great.
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